I never quite expected to be a hundred, or for my dad to be alive at 125. Medical advances, eh? But some of us centenarians regained our physical youth while our minds went psycho

"Dear Detective Manatee, I know I seem the most likely suspect by dint of being kindly, incapacitated and on life-support, but it's really my evil granddaughter Sangromangia

Little appreciated fact: any picture of anyone is a picture of them younger.

The flower was a creeper. I couldn't tell when it got there but it was there. That is when I saw some guy had posted a Babylonian cuneiform tablet he'd bought. It was misspelled.

Everyone knows that in Babylonian cuneiform, unless a phrase starts with a Snake symbol, the Equal symbol always comes before the Reed symbol. This one had the Reed first. No Snake

The supply ships were 5 months overdue. The colony should have had backup supplies for 6 months. They were out as of yesterday. They colonists were terraforming as fast as possible

Yeah, Gnarls Barkley. Who is more crazy? The crazy guy or the one who takes advice from the crazy guy to think twice? Didn't think twice about that one, did you? Does that make me

Drug addled when she was born, Gwen Flughenheimerstiensen-Lee-Kim-Garcia-Joe-maybe-I-don't-know Jones, spent her first days of lucidity this week. It is thanks to a donated 3rd eye

I would say that the fact that it is real is exactly why it will not last. Real only lasts as long as it is believed in or, at least, remembered.

"Excuse me Sir, but I don't feel I need to keep company simply because we share a surname. You might be a greater scoundrel than me." And with that my father slammed the door in my

There was no confusion about the pronoun that Harvey didn't know or had lived. When it came to what it turned out to be, he wasn't buying it. Not for the eyes it would get him. Wan

Not very reassuring I'll admit. But it was sincere. I wouldn't want to be eaten by a stranger. At least with family, I sort of knew what kinds of food I'd be mingling with. Nothing

Unless it was my Uncle Spicy Spicy. That won't be pleasant. Ghost peppers lose the ghost at the sight of him. Do people still use that phrase? I used to read it as loose. Red devil

Should I be concerned that my green beans taste like raw fish? I never knew green beans could taste anything. Besides cooked fish wouldn't be able to taste anything. It's dead.

Some Dieter type, some Dieter type, some Dieter type, some Dieter don't.

I don't know why I have to explain myself to myself sometimes. We're in the same skull. I know what I know just as well as I do. Its like a part of my wants to watch the world burn

See, my fingers are working on their own agendas. One thinks I'm saying one thing. The other feels the same way about another way. I can't call out a shouldn't if doing so is one.

Svenjooly told his headhunter not to bother with the shoes. Jenkins the Leprechaun might want them. Of course, he realized the next morning, that meant he'd have to call Jenkins.

I had seen Jenkins the Leprechaun a few times before that time he saved me from the Nick Noltes of that Ivy League school. That was the one when i watched myself get shot over a

I recognized my girlfriend and her BFF helping me. But I hadn't recognized it was me until I became the me that had been shot. I looked up at myself in recognition. I looked away.