concensus heard a rumble from the roots of the world.

They were kind, but they couldn't help me with my seasoning dilemma; they only ate meat raw. As a last resort, I consulted the Board of the Afghan Hounds.

Gianna, disgusted by the homophobe's prejudice, wanted to teach the schlub a life lesson. She went to give him a wedgie, when she read across the band of the boy's underwear,

that little brat. I raised a glass, “Abducted by an ET, good riddance!” A loud thrum shook the bar. Outside was a gargantuan duck ridden by my little sister. “I’M BAAACK!”

I yelled up at the dark puffball. “Hey little guy, why so gloomy?” The storm cloud thundered and sent down a bolt in my direction. “Weatherman thinks I’m just a front.”

kind really gave him the short end of the stick. When he finally popped into existence to harbinger the upcoming apocalypse, they were all preoccupied with their smartphones.

Ragnorok. The coast guard boarded the Viking ship. I blasted my megaphone. “We don’t care if your from Valhalla and it’s the end of the world, this is American waters and you

but the poor sap found his mother's rotted carrion instead. Nathaniel felt like a stupid dummy. So, he bashed his head in with his mommy's skull - harkening back to his childhood.

the Virtuous Zone. He knew what he needed to do. He worked his way up in the VZ's political system, before he announced his campaign for presidency - secretly in malign intent...

upon the man as a worthy rival. He knew ABBA as much as they did. Although the gnats got to listen in on the band's candid conversations, Petey was a neutral party for ABBA to vent

was performing plastic surgery on French Me's face, so he could look perfect. I was disgusted by this blatant disregard for the human form, but I understood. Dutch Me and German Me

The corpulent king had no regard for Andrew's preposterous allergies. Andrew needed to gorge down the SPAM, and he needed to be fattened so he could become the king's doppelganger.

a hat made out of avocado to be a wonderous display of her prowess. Angelina began voraciously abusing that window as it had abused her only minutes prior. She reached into her bag

where seven thousand people died. Kurcher never knew of the consequences of his actions and nobody even traced that Peruvian disaster back to him until he was long dead.

Of course, I knew he wouldn’t commit suicide. He was too happy to do that! So I decided that there was only one option. I would have to

snowmen so that they could continue to survive in Hell once it froze. Next, Satan started to funnel global warming into the vent system connecting the surface to Hell. Then, he had

, I began to slowly inch toward the door, keeping my hand on the trigger all the while. Aiming the already loaded .22 at the knob, I readied my shaky hands to prepare for it to ope

enough, there were shards all over my carpet, and I cut my foot stepping on a piece and ruined the pure white carpeting with a bunch of blood. I bandaged my foot and put some socks

little boy. He began to cry, but I just stomped on his feet, which didn’t do much because we both were barefoot since we were at the pool when I had my epiphany. So I kicked him to

s, she opened the door and started doing a jazz square in the aisle. The passengers began to wonder if she was sane, but deep down everyone knew Sarah was the only one truly sane.