explosions of my skull. If I did, I wouldn't have paid so highly for them. I determined to be the next skeezy siphilitic heroin addict like my hero, Alastair Crowley, so I snorted

find him as a suggestion on her Tindr page." She looked back at him with that faux-innocent, mousy expression behind her spectacles, but dammit, he was serious this time. "No more

, but at what cost to Punpun and all the others locked in the backward prison of its pages? Is there a Manga character out there who has escaped into the real world, only to find

, rivalled only by a lack of discipline, & her penchant for dancing the Watusi in the nude, made me confident I would score, but the game was young, & I was yet to reach 1st base.

So that night I stole into the City of Giant Women and waved magnets over their keyboards, hope to de-res their machines. It didn't work, and only angered them. Griselda the Elder

Suddenly the Horned One busted through the pearly gates with a spray of bullets, and lead the rest of the damned proudly into the halls, where they shat upon the golden tiles and

take Ug’s fat gut and place it on donk. All caveman like woman with big round donk,” Nurg smiled a three-tooth grin, but Ug was offended, “Ug no like donks. Ug like nunga nungas.”

Bear Grylls climbed outside the box (it was a box ski lift, see...) and severed the connection to the cable. The ski lift box fell onto the icy slope and slid at a terrifying speed

come we can't get room service in this dump?" whinged the ghosts. "Because the waffles drop right through you and we have to call the janitor in!" thundered the hotel manager.

at the 17th angle, because gestures have meanings, even if unintended, and certain people will interpret your inadvertent gestures and imperil your kinghood." Upon hearing this,

"Do shut up, you cantankerous sot!" I, the Sixth Doctor, proudly backhanded Peri, then readied my PETA-brand sub-machine gun on the non-vegetarian natives. The Alien Witch didn't

into the septic tank at the Iced Tea Car Shield corporate headquarters. Suffice it to say, Iced Tea was really upset when he heard the rock banshee getting it on with Coco Austin

circumnavigate the surmounting glitches piling on FoldingStory, but he knew a sad solution to bring back their absent admins. Dare he sacrifice himself by violating the rules? All

But the Louisiana Ladies Temperance League had cut her off after five martinis, claiming that The Lord would have stopped at four. "But it's only half past two!" she whinged. There

Ariadne the Lesser Gorgon's favorite dish for a while. But I didn't care. She wasn't a full Gorgon so she couldn't turn me to stone with her glare. She hated to be reminded of it.

counted out her bullets. One. She counted them again. Still only one. She peeked over the counter. The Grand Poobah was still eyeing the Claw Prize game. Like he recognized it. She

a d20. "Y'see, DnD players be like, 'Everything in life is an even 5% chance,' but Fate players be like, 'It's all about your skill and creativity!' And don't start me on GURPS!"

time to spank that damn monkey. He’d be better off keeping in touch with himself. A parfait without layers is just creamed aspic. Keep that orangutan away from your Cool Whip!

Frank on the behind, because it was so difficult to tell it from Frank's face. Frank's Nazi connections "fixed" the dog like they "fixed" Jews. Be sure to spay or neuter your pets!

Probably people who write for FoldingStory! And how did Ukrainian grannies gain immortality anyway? Aren't they all hopped up on shirka and krokodil these days? My granny is!