I was an instant nobody, but my humble life found true love. After we wed, on our honeymoon night, my hands caressed her bosom to discover her nipples were stickers. "The hell!?"

who knew how to lead a dancer with two left hooves. Kaitlyn and Mr. Ed took up quite a portion of the floor (especially Mr. Ed), and he whispered sweet nothings into her ear over

tied up the apartment complex phone line with her incessant gossip, and whenever she strolled past a computer, she would hit F11 to full-screen the browser. Mrs. Harper was a pill.

brand Kleenex were the must-have item in the city's fashionable district. Morris Dancers needed to make do with handkerchiefs, which meant the gay night life needed a new code.

to Tardigrade Tartare. Both dishes mentioned were protested by the RSPCA. "Won't someone please think of the plankton!?" "Sea monkeys are friends, not food!" Squiggy the Sperm Cell

trials and tribulations of primitive vacuum cleaner robotics, those first Roombas that became dust-collecting knickknacks for the rich and famous; plant holders, & cat perching

Mrs. Bucket-of-Chicken, real name Aileen Tuport from Napoleon, Ohio, got wind of this. She didn't worry a bit. It was well known that billy goats bluff. Sadly, they might've been

nunchucks with fins and scales. One moment they were under her armpits, then flashing toward them. Matt and Tim ducked under the Bunsen burner table as flasks shattered around them

Our lady of Perpetual Fast Food Cravings, whose congregation had cleaned out their vending machines minutes after they had been filled. St. Patrick's had tried buying only bland

Yes, Folding Story will keep you occupied, bewildered, and chortling until you need you to change your pants. Studies show that repeated chortling strengthens the abdominal mucles

called out as she waved a flag from atop the gynecology clinic. Stoats came from miles around to take advantage of Okra's free female health care offer. "There's too many of you,"

to catch sight of the protestors." The reporter nodded, asking, "The ones chanting, 'Free Ham Sandwich! Bust them out of jail!'?" "Yes, them's the ones," the bushmaster confirmed.

And like any good dystopian story this reality had a "hero" who would be privy to how god damned woeful the future really was. What good was teleportation if everywhere you went or

"But I'd never kill anything," she answered, her voice trembling at the thought. Teddy Ruxpin frowned. This girl was not the pliable minion he had assumed. "But they will kill you

splashed out the toilet bowl. "Fucking dammit!" Andrei said. "I've got to go to work! I don't have time for this shit!" She started clubbing the toilet with the plunger in fury.

Three anthropomorphic hamsters resembling the three stooges hopped out of the Kia and posed, and I have to admit, they had me convinced. "I just need fifty-three cats relocated

e-maid popcorn of three parts prune juice vinegar, two parts Ecto Cooler™, and stir with a rectal thermometer. Everyone has to make it in bartending school, and classes are only on

"That's hardly an excuse. It should be fresh on your mind!" argued the very bratty homunculus. The doc was this close to jamming him back up into that hamster water bottle where he

lorded over the lard in the larder, she could not stand asparagus. "Sorry, Mom; I have to go vanquish homunculi," she would say as she rushed out the door, oversized spatula in her

That got people started. After all, as I always say: "No such thing bad publicity!" Do you have any idea how difficult it is to wear a hat with a flat head? My green skin clashed