"I don't believe in caning anything, that's too violent, but I suppose I could live with reins, if you must," muttered Hilda the Horse. Frankly she was surprised that anyone had

But alas, no intact feathers could be found. We did, however, have plenty of clowns. The Creepy Tent down the lane had been producing them at alarming rates. So we glued clowns

and paper cups of tepid chai latte with what used to be our initials in the foam. The universe looked at me, and I at it, and gradually the caffeine kicked in and

hammers on his bench util the cleaning lady gave them to charity. Jenkins the Leprechaun was not feeling too lucky at this point, and prayed for a rainbow under which he might

They grew six kinds of grapes and used old French recipes. The Chardonnay was especially succulent on a hot July day. What to name it? Colonel Rumplecheeks suggested

Completely renovate the living room so the kids could play Pokemon Go without having to go outdoors and risk being run over by a car because their heads were always down.

obliterated from the page I wrote on from the sheer acidic makeup of my breath at the time. "God, that dip was ferocious", I said to Wolfie, whose face melted even as I spoke.

Apparently, that was the only place where anyone had freedom in the Post-everything era. There was no central bank there, ever, nor were there any food riots. They read the Onion.

direction until it lands in Tiny Tim's ukulele, which counts as a double score. Triple, if you can get Tiny Tim to open a winery with you. Reggie was determined to win this, but

him to in drag to protect his identity. Lionel was uncomfortable in the heels, but found the tube top to be rather freeing, in a way. Jenny was always pulling this sort of stunt

life on the planet, but were still struggling with developing their own written language and couldn't agree on spellings, which considerably slowed their progress. Blyrk decided

So Xe crawled under the cinema seats in search of dropped change with which to buy more candy. What he found there was a whole under-seat world inhabited by chewed gum people and

if he was a catfish on a plate and it was dinnertime. Anyway, my opinions are not appreciated by my fellow workers at the panda husbandry department at the Bronx Zoo, but I have

Took out their cannisters of spazzeroid dust and aimed at me. I had a teflon shield on so they were catapulted into Galaxy N25. I got my revenge.

The website design and the censors. The latter have been coming after us with meat cleavers, dressed like Lady Gaga, whom we cannot stand.

Something about it being illegal now, given the recent military coup d'etat that made everyone's life miserable. It was Mad Max out there instead. I understood and backed off. Then

Somehow find a pair to put on instead so as not to look like a clown. Her uncle found her and did CPR. He was worried she would someday forget to fold stories instead of drinking.

Now they are so big that I can't get out my door. I tried to escape through the window, but they thrust their branches at me and apples flew everywhere, bruising me on my head and

bad, except when the canned food ran out. He'd have to brave the putrefying parental realm up there if he didn't want to end up hosting the maggot olympics himself. He fashioned a

To seriously work on his new book, about the Gulags. Solzhenitsyn was living in Vermont in a rural area by now. He knew the truth about Stalin and his Minions.