od. God had something up his sleeve. It was Rocket. God did the Underpants Dance, then flung Rocket at the android ambassador's face. Star-Lord and Drax slipped out the back of the

cide he couldn't wait to try at home, and then he could make vodka from the leftovers. Case in point, Agent Armando said he'd read sexts more erotic than Fifty Shades. No duh. FBI

ons & neurons were similar enough that both saw the hologram keeping watch over the historic proceedings. Eb'ny Darkn'ss Dementia Ravenway accepted the Oscar for Fifty Shades. Tom

which held their crumpled-up shopping list. "What's this?" Prester asked Anita. "Why do you need all these drinks? Mayonade? Mt. Dew Chlorox Bleach? In my day, water was plenty!"

-bor had thrown out, but it gave the cookies an offensive odor. I tried putting the dough in the dryer, which would have worked if I had taken out my sneakers, first. Let's face it

Anthropoligists clique had pasted their manifesto on the wall. They used shit from all 43 of them. A great many Mensa members found their arguments persuasive as well as fragrant.

And I musta been drunk, 'cause now I'm locked in his trunk, and when you're dead you can still feel everything. Feel everything. Every thrust of the knife, every sour breath on me.

"Like your mom did hers?" he shot back. Constance, sadly, was incontinent, and her husband's counter-jibe made her piss like a gallon right on the Walmart floor where it belonged.

I mean, sure, I could "prosper" and crank out a hundred folds or more a day maybe if I smoked crack like Stephen King. But I don't, and I don't want to. I'm all sober, bitches.

...Maybe? Another look at the scattered archives might’ve sparked a few thoughts — perhaps ‘Janitor Fists Boss Until Prolapse’ had some sort of artistic or intellectual merit

cks up his sleeve that would make a Scientologist froth at the mouth. Simpkins grew a goatee and a German accent. He bleated just to add flavor to the character. "SIIIMPKIIINS!"

There was Alice in the middle, between two giant, vaguely-feline dangers of purple coloration. She breathed into her Jabberwalkie-talkie. "Angel in Nevada. We are go." A floodlight

and it was a perilous state to be in, yet she found herself laughing, throwing her arms in the air. Fern stared at Julia, knowing what little care she had was lost to the winds.

Ol' what's-his-face wasn't having any of that malarkey. He caught Bobo's dagger midflight and he tossed it back at him. Bobo parried with his skates. The blade buried itself into a

She walked into the pitch meeting with Solange the puppet Orange. The suits at Tropicana were cool to the idea. She got flustered. She was losing them. Then Solange spoke up. Heads

causing them to continue the mamushka from atop their horses. Marilyn Monroe & Tony Curtis found that they didn't like it hot when the boiler water started pouring in from up the

Nor would they have to feign feeling fain, feelin' right as rain, right as green rain as Jourdan promised (lied) not to drop the Nickelodeon slime on his actors. Gloop. So much for

the Royal Canadian Mounties arrested me for being drunk and disorderly; when, in fact, I had forced a Siamese cat on Burton Cummings, at gun point. The ASPCA Officers cuffed me and

It felt weird having the Devil rattle around in there, but evidently He knew what He was doing. "Gloop glup," I said as He shoveled my regrets into my empty thirst for vengeance.

proper acting technique?!" thundered Scorsese at the cowering shark,"We don't pay you to chat the actors up, we pay you to CHEW them up!" The chastened shark bared its teeth at me