just let it wash over me, soaking my clothes to my skin. I felt as if my own spirit was lifted, like an enigma I didn't need to solve. I waited until the sun broke the clouds, then

chance to watch some freak stores while telling yourself it was sort of okay was popular in West Virginia. Retail chains (and their parent company subsidiaries) competed in events

"I thought it might motivate you to come home sober." I didn't see the point in using a stimulant as bait to quit a depressant, but I kept my mouth shut. "So, the bears?" "Yeah, so

And Elijah's ex was exposed. She was standing there looking at Elijah and said "You can never hit the target." Elijah hit the foldable mobile phone which belonged to his ex.

fell flat on my ass. Turns out having wings for all of two seconds doesn't make you an expert. How did baby birds do it? I used to drop them out of trees all the time, and most of

realize what that woman technically did to him. Now he's paying child support despite the fact that her body is her own and she had the right to get an abortion at any time.

Then he screamed at what he saw outside the window: A literal shit show. The shit circus was in town, on the green by the East Piss River. He dumped his cereal in the sink and ran

at the top of my caps lock. "HOT NOW HOT NOW HOT NOW!" The nurses strapped me onto the cafeteria table, but just then, Lt. Agumon Friday of the Food Police burst in the door.

a phat spliff, and on every puff of his self-entitlement, Director Czar thought up another dirty slur for his departed audience. The audience moved onto a midnight screening of

"I'm gonna buy it with my imaginary white supremacist bitcoin!" the kids say. Here, then. Here's some free bitcoins for you: $1 $1 $2 $4 $2 $3 $1 $2. There you go; it's all yours.

their toques in a twist at the drop of a bagel. I'm Lt. Agumon Friday of the Food Police. There're a million dirty kitchens in the big city, and a million dirty thoughts in my head

"Shut up and get in the pie!" the robin screamed to the worms. "Margaret, Margaret!" cried the bluejay. "Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh!" The robin grabbed the rolling pin like it was a cudgel.

your CV, whatever that is, but just as anyone can put anything on their resume, a resume can contain just about anything. Two sides of the same coin. "Puke and bother!" said the TV

both. A baboon actor in a baboon suit," Mort explained. But Wally wasn't feeling up to task. He didn't want to catch some creepy evolutionary cesspit with a disturbing red anatomy.

Scalefwiend! You humans wewe fish once, too!" The ventriloquism fooled Cassandra, who fell to their five knees and pleaded for the fish's life.

And that was why Gerald decided to become an ice guy instead. But a leopard can't change its stripes, and he ended up just fighting criminals instead of being evil. Evil sucked.

and I took the one less traveled, without actually knowing which one that was, and that has made all the vas differens. I don't know what that means. I read it in Reader's Digest.

sued a hearty:"Good show!" as my pee drenched his posh shag. Having fed me, the prof said:"Now's your turn to help" and led me to the attic, where a sign read: "Human Experiments".

wobbled, a bit, but managed to right itself. It was like the pyramid had a gyroscope inside. Elvis and Bonano sat up at that. They recognized what all great guitarists guessed at.

Volsuminor's stomach and melt into fat pudge you fuck-faced clown of a wine-guzzling whore." This had the opposite effect of what he wanted, as he expected. His mother became Karen