the backside of Whoopi Goldberg. I understand that there are many more ponderous orbs and globes throughout the Universe, but Whoopi's butt is as wide as a cotton ball inside a

D'ya ever get ta Edinburgh Geoff?" "Hell yeah.Got a pad up there." "Oh yeah? How often do you get up there?" "Oh'bout once a year.You should come over." "Yeah.Whadya do up there?"

Ringo Starr and his MS Paint art. “Most of the titles for my pieces arrived because on [the] computer you have to call them something, so I have,”

Too bad my bastard son left the milk out on the counter all night. He'll pay, dearly, for ruining this moment for me. We shall see if he remembers where his inhaler is after I

I kept trying to make my chest explode by forcing myself to cough while sweating rivulets of water as I extracted myself from the boat like clown car. My foot was in a clown woman'

and then let it drop soundly upon the drunk's swollen cheek bone, which shone black and throbbed uncontrollably, and then he saw her saunter out of the restroom and slither out of

in the nude directly in front of the White House on the Thursday after next because...I got other plans. Emily Dickinson and I are meeting up with another woman and we are having

The boulder on the left was hiding a man with a lobster on his shoulder. Then it was Mordeth of Olde and the boulder on the right felt much smaller. Between then, the chasm lay wa

She didn't feel like projecting her mood on the whole neighborhood so she masked it with a malaise which they were already knew the tune of. The lawn party entered the next phase &

I checked my pockets for a panic but I came up empty handed. The Hierophant noticed and the esteem he had for me took a hit. He still went to the motions by offering me the 1st urn

A new idea was unheard of. "There are more impossibilities in my left nut than there are heavens in her eyes." This was one of those old wives tales that meant the opposite of what

There was no No. It didn't exist, not even as an absence. It weighted heavy on my mind, twice. First for not being there and then for not existing. This wasn't the flowering of a

Don't beat the bushes if you don't want the beans coming home to roost in Delilah's hair salon. Sam's son Davey dragged a new corpse into the salon. It was covered in beans feeding

I got decent scores for my fainting but I was unable to stick the dismount. Points were subtracted also for jostling the spot. The East German judge actually gave me a high score.

river, his soul dying every breath he took. Suddenly, a creature came out of the bushes. "What are you?!" the clown screamed. "It's me! Jerry Seinfeld!" the creature roared.

While on my Honda 650, speeding dangerously around the curves on Mulholland--a mile or less East of Laurel Canyon--I came upon a 7 foot tall, 400 pound black man next to a VW bug.

No--not that I know of...but I did talk to the man who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip...I believe his name was Chaim Witz...and I asked him why he did it. He said he didn't

Unfortunately the police didn't take kindly to my curiosity. Two weeks and a bloody vernier caliper later, I was sent to prison.

But that's fine - the baby was an ordained minister. I said my Hail Marys to the baby's ancient Latin rite of cleansing, at least I think that's what it was. Whatever, the sink is

He hated his job because he hated himself. Also his job was awful, but he hated himself for having such an awful job that really it all balanced out evenly.