on your mother's grave. This was only the beginning of their torment and terror on humanity, and you watched in horror as

He whipped his head around and saw an approaching boat. From that far away, it was hard to tell who was on it, but the gunshot he'd heard made him think one thing: Pirates!

to either let the public know, or to let the world die in ignortant bliss. tick tock tick, the meteor barrels forward. "sir?" a meek voice pierces the silent room. "what do we do?"

if you love mayonasie because if you don't I hate mayonaise if you hate it too." Her idiotic announcement made up my mind for me. She would have to go. It had been 3 days of bliss

spitting fire in the air the wicked necromancer invoked your name. Your soul like a shadow was there. You swear that you've never seen anything like this peril but true blood will

help you!" I stumble onto the floor, I can't even speak any more, I just can't it happened. The one thing that I didn't want to happen, happened, and that's truly terrifying.

She was a bit hazy on how Step Four really went down to reap all that profit. Her sights were on the profit and what the profits could buy. Step Three hadn't been any fun. Where is

Now, snails have been known to wreak havoc in hearts, but there is a way to keep your heart intact in the event of a snail infestation.

not my wallet, but I was having a bad day. "Yes!" I lied, smiling at the kind stranger, taking the wallet. Another mistake. The world turned pink. "BE WHO YOU WANNA BE, B-A-R-B-I-E

-welve punches to the groin. Hot damn! but his little mushroom package turned out to be unexpectedly dodgy. Predictably, he rubbed some ketchup on his groin for the photo-op

Even though my boxers came off in the shower

"Just so" intoned Sherlock Holmes absentmindedly, enraptured at the sight of sone cigar ash left on the floor. "In this manner you are sure to catch-" but he was interrupted by a

Just another day in the life of white people in DC. Sarah Liar-Mouth Sanders, Mike Constipated-but-not-Gay Pence, and Tweety-Bird Trump wore their smugness like

-as of Heaven are filled to the gills, and bassoonist areas are putting up "NO VACANCY" signs, but the oboe areas are almost empty. Why, God?" "Because I can't stand the sound of

The art of telling fictional War stories to toddlers and the terminally insane. I figured I had the perfect murder plan, I could bore people to death with not a shred of DNA agains

-ent. Finally, the preacher spoke. "So, who would like to cast the first stone?" The congregation started clicking their Like buttons while the woman yanked off her bra and used it

Eva started hitting him with matryoshka dolls of spatulas each one getting larger instead of smaller. Boris left the water on in the kitchen and ran across the flat to the balcony.

a coma (which I did whenever I lost emotional control). I normally awoke within an hour or two, but, after my last coma—which lasted 3 days—I knew I was closer to a deeper sleep.

aren’t going to believe it…” It took me a second to mix the picture and sound; everything was a bit hazy. “A woman with a nylon over her face took the Ferrari and the 200k,”

only to be struck down. The eggplant monster ate him and began to shudder. The Sirenian Sleuth was still alive. He possessed the eggplant monster and began to obliterate non-veget