and sure enough, the volcano exploded. Louie's Rock City was engulfed in lava, and the crowd went wild. It was the first time the smoke machines there had worked for years. But it

than those times I traded sex for food inside the dumpster behind the Wiggly Piggly. That was survival this stinky ass sofa is decor. I decided to dump the sofa out of state. Texas

Not that is what is wrong with science today. We are making the assumption that the ability to taste will be something people in the future would want. Now I just complicated it by

rigid on grandpa Larry's lap, grimacing and hands over his ears through the old radio recordings. When they were over, Larry asked Johnny if he'd liked them, but he was dead.

tire iron began to re-assemble the wreck of the Piper Laurie, using only her instincts. The Smoking Gun blew a pink bubble and popped it loudly. She threw the iron at him, knocking

a bomb-filled turnip truck bound for the airport. The fall through the window knocked me out cold. I woke up in the hull of a cargo plane flying to a secret Las Vegas airfield.

& pointed her out. It is very important you clean the brain shaped vacuum in this women’s skull,” Dr. Wussy told the vacuum cleaner. Then he brandished a coupon at him. “Exclusions

have to fry this mound of vomit and slowly eat it, while I tase in the eyes" The cop drew his zapper and started to hump the air with anticipation. I saw my cat's life flash before

out, into the light! We must become the defecators! We must resolve to evolve! NUHHH!" Flugh and the rest of the sewer germs sprayed up out of the toilet at City Hall, flowing

Rosebud screamed in return, "Kablooey!" And the immature 12-year-old screaming match was on. Who would win? Rosebud or Kablooey? I'll tell you one thing, folks:

the Devil's Weed in its mouth. After a while the lamb got heavy or Agnes grew tired and she dropped the lamb. It landed on the Holy Landmine of Antioch. Agnes collected the bits of

, father dear!” my bro replied melodically. Unconvinced, we heard dad’s steel-clad slippers closing in on our position. Setting the buttered bread aside, my bro readied the knife

what you got when you dropped out of Disco Clown School. "If you can't pass the class, oh, you don't get the afro." That's what my pappy always told me. The rainbow afro was the

bistro in Queens. Step 6: Side step everything you've just achieved in Steps 1-5 and wipe it off your thigh high Naugahyde boots that weren't made for walking, honey. Step 7: Imman

the victories, but another was to simply re-enact them.. It got to a point that we had to recruit other people, mainly from our local monastery to act out the war's we had engaged

is gone. She may be gone for weeks before anyone notice and even then they don't really care.

of what I might have done to deserve such a fate as walking the Earth as a deceased person. Plus, my wardrobe was atrocious. Everyone knows that gray is going to be out of fashion

because their neighbors didn't realize that humans have been farting since they evolved. Plenty of time for the joke to get old, don't you think? Now, pee pee jokes, those never

But as fate would have it, it WAS a god of death! As grown-ups, we were better prepared for the impending doom that awaited us. It was inevitable. And so, on this glorious summer

"I'd like to help you but I'm stuck in Ontario. I can reccommend another hitman from your area." I got the details from him. Damn truckers! It wasn't the time for unproven hitmen.