the venting apparatus". The venting apparatus was some asbestos removal equipment that had been in the barn when they bought the farm. Nora Gene set it up to clear Grandpa's farts.

five people that were doing the show with him froze when they realized about Charles vital status. But the show must go on, so they tossed his body to the air, improvising a number

That kept Pseudo-Casey Jones busy while I hurried back to the car wash where his car was. "No, no, no!" I cried. "I said power wash his car! Not powerbottom wash his car!"

been asleep for some time. I was also experiencing another loss of urine, so I called up my doctor about it and asked if it was safe to deposit it into the toilet bowl.

o' tomahters, but at least our countryisms' ain't goin' nowheres in particular." Huck responded by saying nothing; he'd had a light coronary. Gidgit avoided his gaze awkwardly.

Then the grim specter of AIDS poked its face out from the crevice and I noped the fuck out of there. No way was I gonna sparkle like a vampire from drinking her period blood.

"Wooow. Just what amazing talent will you incessantly prattle on to us about next?" Amanda muttered sarcastically as she worked on making a way out of their jail.

McGuire looked down again, puzzled by the letters in front of him. "But...that's what it says." "No. No, it reads as 'pennies'. Not...not THAT." Sinutab sighed, exhausted.

Trying to get rid of these tough and unanswerable questions, I turned into a bat and started flying towards the moon, recreating that scene from E.T. Maybe I am out of this planet,

Of course, his job concealed this fact which he often exclaimed loudly during math classes at the private girls' school where he worked. Convenient.

finishing school where they were polished, sometimes spit shined where it was appropriate and always in the presence of two or more Jesters. Turmoil erupted when a buffoon tried to

Even so, I have never been able to get a human to accept my marriage proposal, and believe me, I have asked every one I have seen with my raging primate eyes. So I fly over their

o I was first. I guess I would find out on the road. I hear the road has many things to teach if you let it. People often forget that some lessons are going to hurt. That letch at

said. I will even put up with Chucks stupid dog, Snoopy & his parakeet friend. Then Marcie was dying. Patty saw herself & Chuck & their children & grandchildren. Marcie's daughter,

general contractors were almost on par for a headache. Tiny Terry saw how women had this awesome power & why the patriarchy was hell bent on pushing this shit through. His children

ing with this?" He could, but he wasn't sure how serious she was being right now. "This is the first time we've swung this way. For me anyway, wife remembers key parties. Is your w

child again, and as equally clueless as to whom the father was, as ever. But I had an inkling that it must have been an artists, since we all had sketchbooks full of intricate

Head in Assery Achievement Award, the most minor award this nation can bestow on people without money or influence. Its winners often find themselves raised to the highest offices.

-koo cucumber? Vegepeople like you give me gas. You're seedy. And thin-skinned! Why, I ought to slice you into wedges, except I do like the way you dip. You're in a pickle, my

watched the drama that unfolded inside his eyelids. Geometric shapes danced to strange echoes of music, then parted to reveal a stark stage filled with ceramic weeping clowns.