lubricated the doohickey. He plugged the thingamajigger up the how's-your-father and squeezed so the whatchamacallits flexed outward. He needed this after the week he'd had.

that when it was two inches on a map, then it was two minutes away in person. I truly doubted that, but I would never say it 'cause I knew that if if I chose to, I would aboslutely

"Yes Dear?" Sue asked. "You're hugging him again! Let the poor fellow go, he's clearly uncomfortable. How are we going to make enough money to buy back the rest of him?"

rigged them so entering a PIN administered pre-measured doses of Ex-Lax to the monkeys, causing a commensurate number of bills to spray from their butts. These Simian ATMs revoluti

stayed there forever, part of his mind did, anyway, and made brothy love to Souperwoman in their little cauldron in the sky. When Andy was at work in this world, in the other world

her own inflexibility. Her muscles and sinew were taut and unforgiving. She was as rigid as bamboo. He, on the other hand, had descended from a long lineage of contortionists

But when he entered the oval office, he was shocked to find only a giant orange muppet slumping lifelessly at the desk. A buzzing was coming from it's hollow head. A bee had become

When the feds came that morning, she stood as like a stump amongst logs. The feds having to step over the dead bodies to get to her. She had the answers to their question of why.

The man looked at me like he was just now noticing me. He looked around the room as if to get his bearings. "What is the latest Rocky movie? What is the year?" I backed away.

found himself wanting to eat eyeballs in butter over toast. Sourdough. He searched the kitchen for a toaster. Should I cook the eye, he wondered. But when he looked for the eye, it

's dead corpse that Joel had laid on the bed. "So much for cosplay, Stalin." I said to Joel in his disguise. I, too was wearing a Barney Custom to set the mood. The pineapple in

in our ears were talking Donkeys, named, "Donkey!" Shrek grabbed Apollo, right out of the YouTube Videos, and

"Thanks" the taxi driver said "I mean it's yellow, like every other cab in New York" he continued, clearly unsettled by my flirtations. Time to take a more direct approach. I

The crowd gasped. No one ever questioned the Genie, the supreme know-it-all. The Genie grew to massive size and pointed his finger at the questioner. “Dog! Prepare to receive your

appeared upon the henge, sputtering and unruly, and swarthy clouds obscured the sun. If she didn't change the valves in time, the feed to the microbial Crepuscule Tabernacles would

, unknowingly opening a tiny gap through which passed approximately 3 million bacteria directly from Mrs. Johnson's infected esophagus into my perfectly welcoming nasal passage.

forego buying armor this semester to pay the ridiculous tuition. He knew he could cover the lack by wearing a glamour. Uriah found he had been assigned to an acolyte who was adept

shotgun hiding compartment labelled “Shotgun Hiding Compartment” located directly below the secret ejector seat. The seat was marked as…

He needs that as a supplement to his recovery. He may heal faster if he has her love.

"When the tornado hit," I recounted "I was able to survive by getting into my Fiat 500 and driving." Most people found it hard to believe but I didn't want to out drive the tornado