#20. Dance like nobody's filming you with their smartphone. #21. Nap whenever the chance presents itself. #22. Always say 'please' and 'thank you' to the people who pay you. #23

Then the trombone and trumpet players joined in the chorus, followed by French horns. A yak was the producer of the session at the Yak recording studios, state-of-the-art. Famously

Fiona turned off the television and knew who she had to call. "I will find allergy relief!" she exclaimed. She found her way to the kitchen to start some tea with honey.

-hew this sort of thing, claiming that it was 'the devil's wine spritzer', but dealornodeal would not let ashybear leave the party without one little taste. She glowered at him and

bis was working more effectively than Dre had hoped, but instead of incapacitating the cannibal, it was just making him even more hungry. "Excuse me, I have to pee," Dre told the

"Of course it is." Beck sighed. He was used to fate messing with him like this. After all, it isn't often that your ex is nice to you. Just so happened that his ex wove his fate.

He returned the gesture with a toothless grin, which immediately stole my heart. I ran across the room into Professor Plum's arms. Despite his age he caught me easily.

due to my dreadfully low self esteem and poor taste in people. I blamed this, of course, on the Panoptica drops I put in my eyes every night before bed. They always gave me dreams

"WWCD?" he thought, tumbling in slow motion to the floor from the pickle slippage debacle. "What Would Clausen Do?" he repeated. "Ah-ha!" Brilliance had struck. "Snap!"

But I, being a card-carrying member of the Humane Society of Peach Pit, Nebraska, refused to kill the dog. "Well, just neglect me, at least," the dog's eyes pleaded, but I refused.

", the something said in her mind. On the edge of a panic she tried to think of some spell or mudra, or mane padme om mane padme om... The something sighed in her mind but she didn

But when he got there the memory silence was brief as, not even 3 seconds in to getting there he started comparing the moments and in rushed the supporting memories with the rest t

to prehistoric times. My eyes locked at the bottom of the menu. A big red box with "DANGER" written in capitals. Perfect. "I'll have the Caveman Pizza. To go." I brusquely added.

point, I believed gnats lived long lives, but I soon learned otherwise: we’re pests. We fly around looking for decomposed food and shit to eat; if we’re lucky, we can live 4 weeks

e, now eat your haggis." I shook off Michael's arm. "I'll eat the haggis after we settle the matter," I said. mom had regained herself and glared at me. "Unbelivable," she said.

and taking part in political mudslinging on Fecebook, his master Ned called the vet. "Dr. Quacken bush, my dog thinks he's a person," Ned explained, "He has applied for a mortgage

The invisible forces that I felt were so powerful I joined him for poker. We Earthlings know nothing about poker until we play it with spiders from Mars. I returned home and told

your mis-spent youth. No, getting wedged in the super slide was a rotten idea, anyway. Maybe you could cut your hair and get a job, just like Dad had suggested. But he was a jerk!

ed her booty so hard that her Depends split & the Dude in the huge fedora stared at what he later described as a moldy chocolate starfish, which explained why he tipped granny 50

only further soured our frosty mutual loathing. Like he wouldn't have done the same if Tyler the meth collector had been after him. We got out of the pool. "Neighbor, you take the