or were they perhaps what might only be described as “Autosexuals”…getting off on that particular brand of motor vehicle? Either way, they had to be prevented from…

only God saw this, He would be quite aggravated, then they realized that He is always watching.

it was all based on a lie. He could never marry his sister. The Gods would never allow it and, more importantly, his insurance agent wouldn't allow it. He would site consanguinity

I will be your witness that you never go hungry again. Lift me up Tara, into your bosom.." Tara looked around nervously. The snake was icky and sexy and she couldn't make up which

portal that would take me back to the happy days before the zombie apocalypse. If I could just show my father his own skull, he would believe me and prevent this awful tragedy. But

... well, you can imagine. The more the gum mountain increased, the more her bank balance reduced. It was a sticky slope and she was stuck in the middle of it. Chewing it over, she

will just have to do. Now, shall we proceed with the show?" Alton Brown nodded grimly, wanting desperately to be anywhere else at this moment. The Reynold's Wrap was starting to

Fields of Phuque I never grew as a child. The surface of the crater was smooth glass and both abrasive and slippery; sharkskin like. At certain angles it was possible to see what

"I told you not to name the swine. Now you're seeing their corpses instead of a cornucopia of fresh pork," Ma yelled from the rumble seat turning her gravity bong up. "The skates

stared at her butt in the mirror, missing Janet, who had managed to hold onto a rock & not fall in, yank Jack’s leg until HE fell into the volcano. As Queen Latifah twerked, Janet

soon his poor legs felt like they'd been fried, or sauteed with onions and garlic and a little extra-virgin olive oil. The harder the frog rode, the more delicious his legs became.

right in the forehead of the senator's wife. Good thing she was wearing the kevlar helmet she always wore for fundraising. Kids can be so violent those days because of those damn

but the other guys, those lesser men, all seemed to be wearing Obsession or Old Spice that night and drinking drinks made with Absolut Vodka. I got elbowed during my sacred dance

the terrible blockages it caused in my intestines. The shadow shrugged. "It's your arsehole, I guess," it said, before vanishing into the night. I took another bite of my hoodie.

framed the Hamburgler for the dirty deed done dirt cheap. Well, not cheap, it did cost Ronald 720 hamburgers but that’s a small price to pay when you can eliminate your biggest

psychedelic explosions meant to illustrate the creation of the universe. Nic could see through his night goggles that the planetarium audience was completely distracted, so he

of their Olympic free skating performance, they shed their extraneous appendages and let them skitter across the ice as the crowd went wild. But the judges disapproved of their

the liar she thought he was- but no feeble words could convince her. He began to grip tightly to the doorframe, as if in danger of being forced out by a supernatural force.

it's puppertry continued, this divine being continuing to imitate a human, a person, movements one could see as gentle and questioning. i stood firm, distrustful of this presence

seeing how things were going with Andy Devine and Froggy, stopping momentarily to smile at Beany & Cecil and Soupy Sales, along the way, before fluttering back to Captain Kangaroo