I wore out the casting couch. Did I want to be a star or a nobody? My body was my temple, but it was also my meal ticket. Directors knew me biblically. Like the Praying Mantis,

Obama shaking his shoulders, shuddering. Shin's face took on a fuchsia hue and began to spew all over the shag rug underfoot. Not the one draped over the Ottoman Ambassador. "Burqa

with a distinct foot cheese scent that was tastier then the sad flat little hash puppies at the Stand-up Diner's Open griddle night. Anyway what can you expect from Dane as Cook?

waved excitedly at their carnival friends. Gary & Gary loved to ride the ferris wheel for hours on end with binoculars, enjoying the sights of the fair. Barney was bleeding out.

Dooley and his word was "unspellable". "Could you use it in a sentence please," Dooley asked. "Yes. The name of God was unspellable."" "That's what you think," thought Chaz. Dooley

found Gangsta’s Paradise. Thumping and pounding, grunting and grinding to the bass and bongos, searching for his Zomgirlfriend, Zomboyfriend turned into Zomhorndog. He was stiff

along about this “God and Ark thing.” Noah refused to admit he had a drinking problem even when told he was seeing double and had really only gathered one of each animal. Mrs. Noah

a scarab flew through the window and landed on George's nose. I was in midswing when it happened. I had to fight my fist's momentum to stop from smashing the scarab into his face.

By now my lungs were aching for air. Lloyd Bridges grabbed me by the armpits and dragged me to the surface just before I passed out. When I awoke in the hospital, I asked about

in mind a mahogany hutch but Mag's modest end table behind wasn't a non-starter. End tables had their uses.When in Rome. So he took her to his apartment. Which he shared with him m

know that he had undiagnosed AD/HD, OCD, ODD, BRB, and AC/DC. Jorgen needed to Rock these pyramids! In a very specific and organized way. If he didn't get his way, well, it would

like an Xrvian slave girl inhaling an entire box of perfectly good Bodega caffeine pods through an opening in her elbow, but turned out to be a Valerian policewoman looking for the

a course for the Crutch and Mandible, our favorite English pub, and made good time across the choppy seas. Our friends said, "Hah! Don't you two look like blood spools of thread!"

Until one laid there dead. The oldest boy, who was about 36 months old, said, " That's what you get." as he clean the blade on the dead man's shirt and pocketed the blade back.

to camp in the Outback, Seppo?” “Hey, bloody ripper, that’s none of your damn business.” “It’s my business to inform Bogan Drongo of his rights.” Tusken gave him the passport.

your firstborn in today, you'll get another bonus CD, from pop sensation Therena Malp! Don't miss this once in a lifetime deal. Turn off the TV, walk 40 paces left, then chant this

fridge. It kept the stench of decomposing meat restricted to one room of the house, at least. "Ah, Julia," her father sighed, "you should never have dived into an empty pool."

cats never do. He extended a paw; I passed over the 'nip. No further communication was necessary. Done deal. I awoke the next

I continued flirting during the course of the date, but Death was rather more dense than I was expected. I tried to do makeshift pole dance on his scythe but he didn't seem

And sensing my anxiety, the heroine came straight for me. "Please, good sir, won't you join me on stage?" I couldn't say no, so I nervously followed her, my tidy whities