There was some magic left in the old ways though. Wait, how about we read your entrails first. This large intestine says you had a horrid death. Duh. This looks like a toy soldier

person are you? Are you Kalki? The Blue Lady looked distressed that someone figured her out. "I'm not distressed!" Kalki answered, "I just don't want to be found out."

I'm gonna take Baxter over there and see if the two can't make me any puppies." Danny looked incredulous. Baxter, my chihuahua, barked in agreement. "How close are you with your

on for hours with the cops learning nothing from the terrified Easter Bunny. At last came the good cop/bad cop routine. Offering him salt to go with his hardboiled egg, good cop

-ged with a decent dose of caffeine, I would have asked if I could shower, first. On and on she led me through the woods, the burr catching on my nightie, ruining the pattern.

retaliated by hitting Tom with one of her own hot-sauce-dipped spitballs right in his eye. That stung. The Future Business Leaders Club began SELLING premade spitballs. The classro

its rampage had all of Tokyo in a not-again fugue. They knew all too well what they would hear next. Sure enough, Godzilla's roar was heard from Fukushima. Cookie Monster turned to

and threw the tube across the bloody hot desert. He then performed a backflip, put his arms out in the shape of a "T," and raised to the heavens and returned to the palace of gods.

out like a big poofer. Somehow the Godfather's instruction to have fun with his new crocodile feet was part of the wish. The Godfather had overplayed himself. Crocodile feet & fun

Until they found out about the gnome sized knife I had stashed away under my pillow, and the gnome poison (gnomicide) and the fact I'd been lazing their pixie drinks with DMT

a very long journey indeed. As we neared Cleveland, the rest of the passengers became antsy. "Stop playing that accordion, it's 4 in the morning!" an angry Octomom bellowed as he

"Esmirelda," he said as a klezmer band began to play cloyingly at a bat mitzvah in the adjoining ballroom. I could see in his eyes that he was in the mood for something not kosher.

the glass left by a passing bird which obscured any view I may have had of Abigail's naked mother, and I was wondering how I might clean it off. But Abigail didn't believe me. She

"Oh, you know, Rip Torn, Gloria Vanderbilt, Grumpy Cat," he began. "But they're all dead now!" I yelped as I snatched the autograph book from his hands. The book was hot in my hand

to Heaven since a pleasant shaft of light beamed down from on high. But Annabelle knew it may be one of the devil doll’s tricks, so she proceeded up the steps cautiously. When she

A rouge carpet in front of a wooden fire wearing a bikini. This zombie could burrow its way into my mind and unleash the horrors within. Must, remove the head, destroy the brain..

in my "Preserved Rodents of the World" exhibit, which I had made from an old, illegal lemonade stand. "Just $5 to view the most colossal collection of dead vermin ever compiled," I

those cleats off my softwood parquet floor!" The football team pulled off their shoes and tossed them out through the Tiffany window, but continued to advance on Dad. "All we want

Taking Mike's ear in my thumb and forefinger I began to caress it gently. Mike's resident Jelly Fish opened

Just then I realized that the hunting guns would do me no good since they were unloaded and the ammunition was locked away. I quickly ran past them and headed deeper into the aisle