The whispering edge of the libtard's pendulum blade came closer and closer to my innocent white hairless chess, but at the last moment some badgeless ICE Bubbas rescued me from the

was a horrible research essay topic. (S)he decided to make a new fold and she began to write: "The effects of gamma radiation on Tardigrades..." Yes, this would make a great fold!

from the heavens like the spirit wind, the kamikaze, pelting him into compliance, prying his hands away from each other and away from my hind parts. How about a cesarean section?

but I already had some cookies in the oven, for the Sea Monkey King had charmed me with his poems. But I was all in favor of baking a cake with the vampire OB-GYN next time my oven

&caught the delicate scent of chartreuse. The pain morphed into pleasure as the thing sucked plasma from my pores, replaced by something of a similar consistency, but metallic.

ldn't clean up properly and would just leave a mess all over the carpet. Damn florescent lamp powder. I cursed to myself and poured a coffee. It was time to buy a new one.

"It was the guy over there" Said the ghost that appeared out of thin air, pointing directly to a small bush near the staircase. Everybody went toward that bush and

So he showed up with in a bonobo. The bounder at the door pointed at it? "Where do you think you're going with that bonobo?" He whipped the invitation out and pointed out the BYOB.

I had thought. Just as I lifted my helmet to cover my face, a roaring brush of more dust imploded over the nearby area. From what I could tell, squinting my eyes, an odd-looking

given a full jury trial. The elephant was represented by Mr Gator, a famous attorney from Georgia. "Ladees and, uh, gentlemen of the jurr-ay," Mr Gator began, "this here pachyderm

just as Lord Bouldermort is crushed by the hugantic space sphere, then re-appears several tears later on the edge of the crater it had created. Hermoine gazes over the still smokin

This was all beyond Fred Flintstone's understanding, "Besides," his recently out from the caves mind might have thought. "My turtle lawn mower isn't mechanical. It complains lots.

"Will I at least get the full month of sex? Do toads do that too? So I'm not a toad princess? Fucroaaaak. OMG, I'm croaking!" Mr. Toad looked at his new wife, formerly a human, and

Was at home to the steady whip of life and eternity. She decided, if this was all the infinite had to offer, then it needed a ruler like her. Attila the Nun marched towards a flock

like a naughty child. Luckily, I realized spiders hate high-pitched noises, so I thought about the most blood-curdling screams imaginable and the telepathic spider's head exploded.

and the three dozen other voices in my head all went back to my place and slapped the chicken on the grill, but one of the voices suggested I should kill and pluck it first. Hmm...

"No", she said. "Feed me!" and she ate Todd's head & shoulders. No toddler was going to eat their way through her & then demand she feed him. She couldn't imagine Todd as a teen.

The caller breathed their last breath. The house grew blue blobs, the children and the neighbouring folk grew blue splotches. The FBBI all succumbed to the terrifying blue epidemic

towing a camel with 7 baskets of golden toe rings.After I crossed the Sahara, Sherlock Hemlock said he wanted my Schwinn bike instead of the toe rings or I couldn't marry Muscaria

But Nana was different from most hurricanes. Her weapon was sheer water volume. She reminded me of my human Nana, who used to try to drown me in the bathtub as she washed my hair.