bloody murder, and drop the searing hot pan on your foot. Shout at whoever's closest to call an ambulance for you as you mop the boiling goo off your lower legs.

Doris curled her upper lip and chins. It was a Montenegro Stand-off. Neither party was from Montenegro. So they had to stand off to the side until Customs saw to them. Doris wasn't

a pirate parrot, a mutant and a mutineer. Barbara was about to continue speaking, but I snapped, "SHUT UP!" at her. "You weren't even INVITED to the turtle party, Barbara!".

wears hot pink short shorts and everyone needs to get drunk off their asses to forget!" Not a very catchy slogan, but one that's so amusingly memorable it was worth it.

They were in too deep, and without anything to bail them out they resorted to their primal instincts. They curled up into a little ball on the cold stone altar, and cried.

returned to the couch, he picked up a cucumber slice and tried to turn the TV on with it, then wondered why his paw was covered in sticky water. "Hmm. Someone seems to have changed

was previously my bowels was causing me such excruciating contractions that I needed to move this operation along. I grabbed the cow by the horns and pressed my forehead into its

ecome a stalemate, if not for the fact that the fight evolved in something barely comprehensible. I would go on with my life, and they would follow me on guard, waiting for my next

nanites appeared over Yokel's head. They swarmed him, making him invisible for a moment, when he emerged he was His Glorious Supreme Burrito, now drivers would shake their

"Oh..." they added. "And NOT on your head!" I grimaced at their bad joke at my expense. I wanted to say, "Yeah, well - if you and Dad had used a condom -" but then I thought itthru

long enough for all the blood rush to his penis. Blood he had needed to keep the brain alive. The erection died with the rest of him and Shawna blamed herself and her breasts. Doct

a Tiki torch about to be lit...and here comes the flame. (YOWZA!) In walked Beatrice, her luscious rolls of cellulite rippled with each step. GAWD, she was somethin' to hold on to!

really ran afoul of his mood was how all the jai alai groupies raised their noses at him. Detective Manatee stormed off to the showers followed by the mothers of the slain fish.

abbatial abattoir where his flesh was freed of all sin in lye afterwards. His sudden disappearance along with his judgment money made Cas the prime suspect. Casual hugs wasn't enou

people would just work together already.

set for him, but I still needed him and his mice to leave if I was going to sell my house for good money. But when I requested he leave, the Grand Duke mouse jumped at my face and

-re her for my death. I was ready to die, even willing, as long as I could be sure that our love would remain alive. I could be immortal in her heart. Whatever I could take with me

didn't give me any clue either, it had already been sepulchral when she was alive.Assuming, again, that she was dead. I finally managed to free a hand and brake free of the fear. I

-cially viable vampire. That would help pay for the mortgage on my grandpa Dracula's castle, from which I badly needed to draw from its Home Equity Line of Credit for major repairs

Thankfully, that togetherness came before some day when a Grizzly mistook him for a piece of native jerky. From then on, Sitting Bull was remembered as Delicious Bull,