that had Congress been able to do something about anything, that would have been the something. For now, the Circus of Ill Repute was a rolling Superfund Site. I had run away from

so weird, but as I was drunk, it seemed perfectly normal to me. All I could think about is getting another shot of tequila! I pushed and shoved to the bartender and the drunken

again! My precious gnomes! My sweet, sweet Augustus, the centrepiece of my lawn, never to be seen again! I wept bitterly, drowning my sorrows in a bottle of whisky.

my half-length bassoon gently weeps. It's strange, high-pitched whine attracts the fair folk, who glide in surreptitiously like leaves on the breeze. They begin to sing in harmony

And in so doing, he summoned Crazy Chuck, the Patron Saint of Disco Clowns. His rainbow wig and red rubber nose shone bright in his comic brilliance, all but blinding Feeb and his

but the umpire ruled them out anyway. It didn't make any difference anyway. Nobody scores in Hell. McGillicutty and Smuckatelli regrouped at the feeding trough. "Mmmm, embezzlers,"

one. Alas, the old pile of rusted bones and crooked beams sulked in my backyard, awaiting attention. After years of running low on fumes, the maroon misery depleted its last breath

not wanting to be caught again. My thoughts ran away from not only me but from each other. They just couldn't stand being so close to each other or me, their father. Yes, their fat

the beack and we came across with a wuss. It is incredible how that person could be such

I decided to take the witch's advice. Took my mother's urn. Was about to chuck into the ocean so she could rest in peace, when suddenly, I heard a scream

There was some magic left in the old ways though. Wait, how about we read your entrails first. This large intestine says you had a horrid death. Duh. This looks like a toy soldier

person are you? Are you Kalki? The Blue Lady looked distressed that someone figured her out. "I'm not distressed!" Kalki answered, "I just don't want to be found out."

for her, because in her case it's not "head like a hole" but "heart like a hole" and a tiny one at best. But who am I to know what's best? Vro, I care about you and wouldn't want

I'm gonna take Baxter over there and see if the two can't make me any puppies." Danny looked incredulous. Baxter, my chihuahua, barked in agreement. "How close are you with your

he started putting the unpopped kernels in the waistband of my illfitted jeans, the jerk. The seeds rolled down my pant leg during one risque dance move and I had to awkwardly

Then one of the more surly of the witches snatched the Prep-H from my hands, snarling, "Let those boils boil!" and let out a horrible cackle. "I say we throw them red pepper sauce

but she stopped me when I tried to sharpie on some moles & wrinkles. "What am I doing?" I thought. "I know this isn't my son... do I love it like its mine or keep drawing on it?"

Day by day, though, his dollops were doled out dutifully in due time. Wherever his journey took him, he needed to find a way to get more dollops, fast.

-ged with a decent dose of caffeine, I would have asked if I could shower, first. On and on she led me through the woods, the burr catching on my nightie, ruining the pattern.

retaliated by hitting Tom with one of her own hot-sauce-dipped spitballs right in his eye. That stung. The Future Business Leaders Club began SELLING premade spitballs. The classro