and threw the tube across the bloody hot desert. He then performed a backflip, put his arms out in the shape of a "T," and raised to the heavens and returned to the palace of gods.

out like a big poofer. Somehow the Godfather's instruction to have fun with his new crocodile feet was part of the wish. The Godfather had overplayed himself. Crocodile feet & fun

Until they found out about the gnome sized knife I had stashed away under my pillow, and the gnome poison (gnomicide) and the fact I'd been lazing their pixie drinks with DMT

a very long journey indeed. As we neared Cleveland, the rest of the passengers became antsy. "Stop playing that accordion, it's 4 in the morning!" an angry Octomom bellowed as he

"Esmirelda," he said as a klezmer band began to play cloyingly at a bat mitzvah in the adjoining ballroom. I could see in his eyes that he was in the mood for something not kosher.

the glass left by a passing bird which obscured any view I may have had of Abigail's naked mother, and I was wondering how I might clean it off. But Abigail didn't believe me. She

"Oh, you know, Rip Torn, Gloria Vanderbilt, Grumpy Cat," he began. "But they're all dead now!" I yelped as I snatched the autograph book from his hands. The book was hot in my hand

to Heaven since a pleasant shaft of light beamed down from on high. But Annabelle knew it may be one of the devil doll’s tricks, so she proceeded up the steps cautiously. When she

A rouge carpet in front of a wooden fire wearing a bikini. This zombie could burrow its way into my mind and unleash the horrors within. Must, remove the head, destroy the brain..

in my "Preserved Rodents of the World" exhibit, which I had made from an old, illegal lemonade stand. "Just $5 to view the most colossal collection of dead vermin ever compiled," I

those cleats off my softwood parquet floor!" The football team pulled off their shoes and tossed them out through the Tiffany window, but continued to advance on Dad. "All we want

Taking Mike's ear in my thumb and forefinger I began to caress it gently. Mike's resident Jelly Fish opened

Just then I realized that the hunting guns would do me no good since they were unloaded and the ammunition was locked away. I quickly ran past them and headed deeper into the aisle

A dead Head of Security's gonads in my hands said I had bigger problems than just Gozar. The only one that Gozar had had any respect for had been Zuul. It was time to give her a ch

blood, and soon. Perhaps she could align her nefarious plans with Thanksgiving. Her gremlins could savour their blood feast, and she could do a spot of Black Friday shopping.

-ting babies fishing for binkies on an ice rink from a soda business! The babies nodded and called out hearty ‘Aye!’s in agreement. If only we had an opium flavored soda... Wait..

need. Low and behold a very irritable genie magically appeared in a cloud of pink smoke. “Make it quick, I’m watched the season finale of Twin peaks,”

small enveope from his back. "You sure about that, Carrothead?" He said menancingly, eyeing the paper &Onion with ominous intent. "You know what this is, right?" he asked the veget

could only think of lies in terms of currency, the more lies were entered into the economy, the further diluted they became. By the time Trump left office, the US Dollar was so

But then she came to her senses--slapped herself in the face ten times--she was a socialite; she had money & power--screw the fallen; they can't use jewelry. Off came the gas mask.