before anyone could see her and exclaim, "There she is, the baby witch who slaughters mountain goats with her visage!" But then she realized that someone WAS shouting that, and she

ntly clear that the path of stoic friendlessness suggested by "Jane Eyre" had shunted me down a very unsavory path indeed. Then I felt the kind hand of Prester Inspector Hathaway

friend..." smiling devilishly, he threw a juice box at his foe, all the while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" No one knew why until it was too late, he picked up his lunch tray and

and making lewd remarks at passersby. "However," he went on, "Guildenstern knows a fire escape with a hidden entrance to heaven behind some loose bricks. Ask him to show you."

dress as Kermit the Frog so she could make mad, passionate love to me. Having burned all the Muppet costumes but Fozzie Bear, I asked the Swede if his sister would screw Fozzie ins

that! Rookie mistake. The adversaries locked eyes, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. The cheat was first to break eye contact, gazing at his board, feigning focus.

you can grow your own cucumber. You can grow some real big ones. So big that, well... heh, let's just say sometimes the prolapse is worth it. Raw bacon might skeeve ya out for a

not before (<Larissa's napkin from lunch that day.>) the (<Kilroy Murpheson was a piano tuner who died of pig stomach.>). Pyle looked at Sneaky Pete and blew him a kiss. Kidney's

far from knowing how to use his new dorsal fin. To his stepfather, who just happened to walk into the dining just then, he looked like the fish was shitting the boy. He grabbed a

Tacoma, Washington. He was always a huge fan of glass sculptor Dale Chihuly, but the museum turned out to be just "okay". We asked Dale himself to oversee our marriage dissolution.

blood, and soon. Perhaps she could align her nefarious plans with Thanksgiving. Her gremlins could savour their blood feast, and she could do a spot of Black Friday shopping.

out like a big poofer. Somehow the Godfather's instruction to have fun with his new crocodile feet was part of the wish. The Godfather had overplayed himself. Crocodile feet & fun

a very long journey indeed. As we neared Cleveland, the rest of the passengers became antsy. "Stop playing that accordion, it's 4 in the morning!" an angry Octomom bellowed as he

Putty like skin on the dark web. The thing about Putty Boys skin was it grew excessively and could be moulded into any living, breathing object you liked. Corrupt members of the

Until they found out about the gnome sized knife I had stashed away under my pillow, and the gnome poison (gnomicide) and the fact I'd been lazing their pixie drinks with DMT

A rouge carpet in front of a wooden fire wearing a bikini. This zombie could burrow its way into my mind and unleash the horrors within. Must, remove the head, destroy the brain..

Taking Mike's ear in my thumb and forefinger I began to caress it gently. Mike's resident Jelly Fish opened

Just then I realized that the hunting guns would do me no good since they were unloaded and the ammunition was locked away. I quickly ran past them and headed deeper into the aisle

Araidne the Lesser Gorgon. Nobody else would try to pull that shit. I couldn't concentrate on my maths. My empathy went off the charts on the low end. Who could Araidne be seeing?

-ged with a decent dose of caffeine, I would have asked if I could shower, first. On and on she led me through the woods, the burr catching on my nightie, ruining the pattern.