take Ug’s fat gut and place it on donk. All caveman like woman with big round donk,” Nurg smiled a three-tooth grin, but Ug was offended, “Ug no like donks. Ug like nunga nungas.”

like an Xrvian slave girl inhaling an entire box of perfectly good Bodega caffeine pods through an opening in her elbow, but turned out to be a Valerian policewoman looking for the

come we can't get room service in this dump?" whinged the ghosts. "Because the waffles drop right through you and we have to call the janitor in!" thundered the hotel manager.

finishing school where they were polished, sometimes spit shined where it was appropriate and always in the presence of two or more Jesters. Turmoil erupted when a buffoon tried to

"Do shut up, you cantankerous sot!" I, the Sixth Doctor, proudly backhanded Peri, then readied my PETA-brand sub-machine gun on the non-vegetarian natives. The Alien Witch didn't

into the septic tank at the Iced Tea Car Shield corporate headquarters. Suffice it to say, Iced Tea was really upset when he heard the rock banshee getting it on with Coco Austin

your firstborn in today, you'll get another bonus CD, from pop sensation Therena Malp! Don't miss this once in a lifetime deal. Turn off the TV, walk 40 paces left, then chant this

Ariadne the Lesser Gorgon's favorite dish for a while. But I didn't care. She wasn't a full Gorgon so she couldn't turn me to stone with her glare. She hated to be reminded of it.

counted out her bullets. One. She counted them again. Still only one. She peeked over the counter. The Grand Poobah was still eyeing the Claw Prize game. Like he recognized it. She

Even so, I have never been able to get a human to accept my marriage proposal, and believe me, I have asked every one I have seen with my raging primate eyes. So I fly over their

cats never do. He extended a paw; I passed over the 'nip. No further communication was necessary. Done deal. I awoke the next

Trying to get rid of these tough and unanswerable questions, I turned into a bat and started flying towards the moon, recreating that scene from E.T. Maybe I am out of this planet,

with a distinct foot cheese scent that was tastier then the sad flat little hash puppies at the Stand-up Diner's Open griddle night. Anyway what can you expect from Dane as Cook?

cks up his sleeve that would make a Scientologist froth at the mouth. Simpkins grew a goatee and a German accent. He bleated just to add flavor to the character. "SIIIMPKIIINS!"

o' tomahters, but at least our countryisms' ain't goin' nowheres in particular." Huck responded by saying nothing; he'd had a light coronary. Gidgit avoided his gaze awkwardly.

been asleep for some time. I was also experiencing another loss of urine, so I called up my doctor about it and asked if it was safe to deposit it into the toilet bowl.

Anthropoligists clique had pasted their manifesto on the wall. They used shit from all 43 of them. A great many Mensa members found their arguments persuasive as well as fragrant.

"Wooow. Just what amazing talent will you incessantly prattle on to us about next?" Amanda muttered sarcastically as she worked on making a way out of their jail.

Then the grim specter of AIDS poked its face out from the crevice and I noped the fuck out of there. No way was I gonna sparkle like a vampire from drinking her period blood.

in mind a mahogany hutch but Mag's modest end table behind wasn't a non-starter. End tables had their uses.When in Rome. So he took her to his apartment. Which he shared with him m