Anthropoligists clique had pasted their manifesto on the wall. They used shit from all 43 of them. A great many Mensa members found their arguments persuasive as well as fragrant.

Even so, I have never been able to get a human to accept my marriage proposal, and believe me, I have asked every one I have seen with my raging primate eyes. So I fly over their

"Shut up and get in the pie!" the robin screamed to the worms. "Margaret, Margaret!" cried the bluejay. "Ooohhhhhhhhhhhh!" The robin grabbed the rolling pin like it was a cudgel.

child again, and as equally clueless as to whom the father was, as ever. But I had an inkling that it must have been an artists, since we all had sketchbooks full of intricate

ing with this?" He could, but he wasn't sure how serious she was being right now. "This is the first time we've swung this way. For me anyway, wife remembers key parties. Is your w

Head in Assery Achievement Award, the most minor award this nation can bestow on people without money or influence. Its winners often find themselves raised to the highest offices.

And that was why Gerald decided to become an ice guy instead. But a leopard can't change its stripes, and he ended up just fighting criminals instead of being evil. Evil sucked.

waved excitedly at their carnival friends. Gary & Gary loved to ride the ferris wheel for hours on end with binoculars, enjoying the sights of the fair. Barney was bleeding out.

cats never do. He extended a paw; I passed over the 'nip. No further communication was necessary. Done deal. I awoke the next

your firstborn in today, you'll get another bonus CD, from pop sensation Therena Malp! Don't miss this once in a lifetime deal. Turn off the TV, walk 40 paces left, then chant this

fridge. It kept the stench of decomposing meat restricted to one room of the house, at least. "Ah, Julia," her father sighed, "you should never have dived into an empty pool."

made a disturbing humming sound which, to his shock, the androgynous individual mimicked. A fatal mistake. The Gaze was now upon two-lips, and Tiny Tim could only watch in horror

And he said "Well, shucky darn!" And it got infected and he died. So much for that bulking up he just did. Oh well. So up in heaven, St. Peter said to him,

other 2 penguins, who were less fierce than the fiercest penguin, shook their heads. “He can’t even bed the damn wooden penguin, but we have to coddle his ass?” the clever penguin

for Paris what pig wrestling was for Hazzard County. These flame dancers even had their own Duke boys. They were both real dukes. Duke Luke and Duke Beau had met in Ibiza snorkling

rigged them so entering a PIN administered pre-measured doses of Ex-Lax to the monkeys, causing a commensurate number of bills to spray from their butts. These Simian ATMs revoluti

rupture in spacetime that I could investigate? Which dimension would it send me to? The evil grocer would of course want me to stay, but if I were to just reach into that void,

-koo cucumber? Vegepeople like you give me gas. You're seedy. And thin-skinned! Why, I ought to slice you into wedges, except I do like the way you dip. You're in a pickle, my

lubricated the doohickey. He plugged the thingamajigger up the how's-your-father and squeezed so the whatchamacallits flexed outward. He needed this after the week he'd had.

Then the vegetarian PCP fiend made a gorgeous salad for all his PCP fiend friends in the alley. It had been a very unhealthy day for the nudist lettuce, but a very healthy day for