cats never do. He extended a paw; I passed over the 'nip. No further communication was necessary. Done deal. I awoke the next

found himself wanting to eat eyeballs in butter over toast. Sourdough. He searched the kitchen for a toaster. Should I cook the eye, he wondered. But when he looked for the eye, it

that when it was two inches on a map, then it was two minutes away in person. I truly doubted that, but I would never say it 'cause I knew that if if I chose to, I would aboslutely

lubricated the doohickey. He plugged the thingamajigger up the how's-your-father and squeezed so the whatchamacallits flexed outward. He needed this after the week he'd had.

At any second now, the toilet would overflow! This is what happens when you don't wait until tea time exactly to have tea time. She and the little green creatures would learn the

stayed there forever, part of his mind did, anyway, and made brothy love to Souperwoman in their little cauldron in the sky. When Andy was at work in this world, in the other world

him, but Bruno's alcohol-induced coma and spouting of eldritch beings left him dead as a doorknob to the world. Peggy shook him more, but just then, the Ravers returned! After 20

The man looked at me like he was just now noticing me. He looked around the room as if to get his bearings. "What is the latest Rocky movie? What is the year?" I backed away.

's dead corpse that Joel had laid on the bed. "So much for cosplay, Stalin." I said to Joel in his disguise. I, too was wearing a Barney Custom to set the mood. The pineapple in

The crowd gasped. No one ever questioned the Genie, the supreme know-it-all. The Genie grew to massive size and pointed his finger at the questioner. “Dog! Prepare to receive your

rupture in spacetime that I could investigate? Which dimension would it send me to? The evil grocer would of course want me to stay, but if I were to just reach into that void,

they put the roast beef in them. They ate all the roast beef the Arbys in Cucacamonga had on hand. The moles became bloated with the meat, lethargic. Unable to bust the drug ring.

Then the vegetarian PCP fiend made a gorgeous salad for all his PCP fiend friends in the alley. It had been a very unhealthy day for the nudist lettuce, but a very healthy day for

Even so, I have never been able to get a human to accept my marriage proposal, and believe me, I have asked every one I have seen with my raging primate eyes. So I fly over their

newspaper. Something was peculiar (as he'd say, "perculiar"). For some reason, Dr. Ruth had answered all nine letters today with "Put a gun to your head; it's the only solution."

rigged them so entering a PIN administered pre-measured doses of Ex-Lax to the monkeys, causing a commensurate number of bills to spray from their butts. These Simian ATMs revoluti

, unknowingly opening a tiny gap through which passed approximately 3 million bacteria directly from Mrs. Johnson's infected esophagus into my perfectly welcoming nasal passage.

forego buying armor this semester to pay the ridiculous tuition. He knew he could cover the lack by wearing a glamour. Uriah found he had been assigned to an acolyte who was adept

lost the case. "Too bad she didn't lose a pound!" the producer laughed. His lackeys laughed too. They rolled the 601-pound woman down the courthouse steps to the press' applause.

along about this “God and Ark thing.” Noah refused to admit he had a drinking problem even when told he was seeing double and had really only gathered one of each animal. Mrs. Noah