to prehistoric times. My eyes locked at the bottom of the menu. A big red box with "DANGER" written in capitals. Perfect. "I'll have the Caveman Pizza. To go." I brusquely added.

That kept Pseudo-Casey Jones busy while I hurried back to the car wash where his car was. "No, no, no!" I cried. "I said power wash his car! Not powerbottom wash his car!"

newspaper. Something was peculiar (as he'd say, "perculiar"). For some reason, Dr. Ruth had answered all nine letters today with "Put a gun to your head; it's the only solution."

lost the case. "Too bad she didn't lose a pound!" the producer laughed. His lackeys laughed too. They rolled the 601-pound woman down the courthouse steps to the press' applause.

e, now eat your haggis." I shook off Michael's arm. "I'll eat the haggis after we settle the matter," I said. mom had regained herself and glared at me. "Unbelivable," she said.

your mis-spent youth. No, getting wedged in the super slide was a rotten idea, anyway. Maybe you could cut your hair and get a job, just like Dad had suggested. But he was a jerk!

It was true, I had only seen the virus once. Every other time, either it had blinded me, or it was too small to see. Either way, I decided I wouldn't stop until I had eradicated

the gas station, as distracted as he was with his performance anxiety, and had poured gas all down the side of his Ferrari. "Oh for the luvva," sobbed Señor Casanova, "The women

-s lips and began making a motor sound. Pappy got up and chugged around the yard and Sister Girl done 'bout wet her pants a-laughing. Mama said that was enough, there was work to

put that one down as another 2 souls lost to the Godkiller, mistletoe. Nurse Babs left behind two rookie nurses who fainted when taking pinprick samples. Notch up 3 more for their

ed her booty so hard that her Depends split & the Dude in the huge fedora stared at what he later described as a moldy chocolate starfish, which explained why he tipped granny 50

been asleep for some time. I was also experiencing another loss of urine, so I called up my doctor about it and asked if it was safe to deposit it into the toilet bowl.

The lemons quickly averted their eyes, terrified. His tyranny was well known around the produce department. Once he scared a watermelon so bad it spit out it's own seeds, just by

at the presidency of the emerging second Confederation States Of America. Archangel Better Davis sent archangel Jimmy Stewart coy fiery letters of the Unholy Spirit. Countersigned

"Yes, you did. And I happen to be an owl," said the windshield cleaner as he climbed into the passenger side and demanded $25. The man stared at his open talon and gave him the

"How unseemly of me," he said as he thumbed the mildewy seam. Trying to rub the mildew away. Then he noticed a bit of honey stuck on the back of his paw. He had a Big Appetite. But

in our ears were talking Donkeys, named, "Donkey!" Shrek grabbed Apollo, right out of the YouTube Videos, and

But when he got there the memory silence was brief as, not even 3 seconds in to getting there he started comparing the moments and in rushed the supporting memories with the rest t

hygienist. Tooth care from a beak? What'll they think of next? The albatross'll probably regurgitate in my mouth when he puts me under. Gross. I hate all birds and hope they die.

did I lost my clavicle? I always kept my instruments in tip-top shape, and now it was coated in salsa. And I thought this was the kidney pool, not kiddy. Still, hunger was hunger,