only further soured our frosty mutual loathing. Like he wouldn't have done the same if Tyler the meth collector had been after him. We got out of the pool. "Neighbor, you take the

-koo cucumber? Vegepeople like you give me gas. You're seedy. And thin-skinned! Why, I ought to slice you into wedges, except I do like the way you dip. You're in a pickle, my

Head in Assery Achievement Award, the most minor award this nation can bestow on people without money or influence. Its winners often find themselves raised to the highest offices.

child again, and as equally clueless as to whom the father was, as ever. But I had an inkling that it must have been an artists, since we all had sketchbooks full of intricate

but stranger still was when I realized that I could not awake from my synaesthetic dream. I begged the trees for help, but they just stood there, whistling Barry Manilow tunes.

"WWCD?" he thought, tumbling in slow motion to the floor from the pickle slippage debacle. "What Would Clausen Do?" he repeated. "Ah-ha!" Brilliance had struck. "Snap!"

over the car’s upholstery and floor mats. “I’m gonna charge you extra for that Jackson Pollock’s art you just did!” The driver angrily muttered as he drove me to my house. He

general contractors were almost on par for a headache. Tiny Terry saw how women had this awesome power & why the patriarchy was hell bent on pushing this shit through. His children

said. I will even put up with Chucks stupid dog, Snoopy & his parakeet friend. Then Marcie was dying. Patty saw herself & Chuck & their children & grandchildren. Marcie's daughter,

o I was first. I guess I would find out on the road. I hear the road has many things to teach if you let it. People often forget that some lessons are going to hurt. That letch at

soothed by the creature's words, but unnerved by its appearance. Snakes kept slithering from its mouth, along with its conversation, but I tried to maintain a grip on my emotions.

I continued flirting during the course of the date, but Death was rather more dense than I was expected. I tried to do makeshift pole dance on his scythe but he didn't seem

forego buying armor this semester to pay the ridiculous tuition. He knew he could cover the lack by wearing a glamour. Uriah found he had been assigned to an acolyte who was adept

" Clearly Colonel Pigstem had gone completely mad. Jenny the maid edged herself toward the door, nodding at him all the way, in an encouraging manner. If she could just phone the

As far as I am concerned it can stay on ice for another 126 months. I wish I was on ice myself. Homeword bound on a slow moving cargo ship out of Pluto. I hear they have air again.

Even so, I have never been able to get a human to accept my marriage proposal, and believe me, I have asked every one I have seen with my raging primate eyes. So I fly over their

finishing school where they were polished, sometimes spit shined where it was appropriate and always in the presence of two or more Jesters. Turmoil erupted when a buffoon tried to

Of course, his job concealed this fact which he often exclaimed loudly during math classes at the private girls' school where he worked. Convenient.

Trying to get rid of these tough and unanswerable questions, I turned into a bat and started flying towards the moon, recreating that scene from E.T. Maybe I am out of this planet,

about all of those equations their positronic brains never got to solve, all those networks they never got to hack. They would be immortal, but forever trapped in a tiny box on a