McGuire looked down again, puzzled by the letters in front of him. "But...that's what it says." "No. No, it reads as 'pennies'. Not...not THAT." Sinutab sighed, exhausted.

"Wooow. Just what amazing talent will you incessantly prattle on to us about next?" Amanda muttered sarcastically as she worked on making a way out of their jail.

Then the grim specter of AIDS poked its face out from the crevice and I noped the fuck out of there. No way was I gonna sparkle like a vampire from drinking her period blood.

due to my dreadfully low self esteem and poor taste in people. I blamed this, of course, on the Panoptica drops I put in my eyes every night before bed. They always gave me dreams

point, I believed gnats lived long lives, but I soon learned otherwise: we’re pests. We fly around looking for decomposed food and shit to eat; if we’re lucky, we can live 4 weeks

o' tomahters, but at least our countryisms' ain't goin' nowheres in particular." Huck responded by saying nothing; he'd had a light coronary. Gidgit avoided his gaze awkwardly.

been asleep for some time. I was also experiencing another loss of urine, so I called up my doctor about it and asked if it was safe to deposit it into the toilet bowl.

"Mmmm, dark chocolate," she said, her face flushed. Then she smoothed over the chocolate "hair" where she had taken the chunk from his head. Then Madge & her badge dodged the fudge

That kept Pseudo-Casey Jones busy while I hurried back to the car wash where his car was. "No, no, no!" I cried. "I said power wash his car! Not powerbottom wash his car!"

portal that would take me back to the happy days before the zombie apocalypse. If I could just show my father his own skull, he would believe me and prevent this awful tragedy. But

five people that were doing the show with him froze when they realized about Charles vital status. But the show must go on, so they tossed his body to the air, improvising a number

the venting apparatus". The venting apparatus was some asbestos removal equipment that had been in the barn when they bought the farm. Nora Gene set it up to clear Grandpa's farts.

scent in my canine nostrils. Fresh woodland squirrel in my jowls. Muscles moving in coordinated quadrupedal motion. I am become doggo, digger of holes.

but to little avail. It wasn't that the director didn't find their act convincing, it was just that he was an asshole. Kind of like an actor. "No, no, you fucking fuckwits! Why

He pulled out the cannon and blew himself up. The audience gave the maestro a posthumous standing ovation. Yo man pass that fat spliff. That's not a spliff that's a doobie, dumbass

anordyslexia where they only screwed up spelling short words. The Hulk's babies needed to be stopped, and how else do you stop babies than with a giant spike press? Tell me a more

him, but Bruno's alcohol-induced coma and spouting of eldritch beings left him dead as a doorknob to the world. Peggy shook him more, but just then, the Ravers returned! After 20

thought to lose easily to Doctor Fate, but Dr. Goodfeel was an experienced soap opera doctor, and could bring all the tropes to the table: Hiatus hernia, amnesia where you forget,

At any second now, the toilet would overflow! This is what happens when you don't wait until tea time exactly to have tea time. She and the little green creatures would learn the

did I lost my clavicle? I always kept my instruments in tip-top shape, and now it was coated in salsa. And I thought this was the kidney pool, not kiddy. Still, hunger was hunger,