standing in my spot. Get. Out!" I wrenched away so harshly that some of the skin of my toes ripped. I hardly felt it at the time; I was eager to escape that terrifying maw. Mufasa

Xenophobic xats xylphoned xantham xebecs, yet yellow yaks yeeted yerts yesterday; zoological zeotropes zoomed zero zeppelins. 1 1derful 1nesday, 2tsi 2ootled 2ogether 2 2nics.

. What can say? People love shiny chrome eye stock! Paparazzi trail demanding catch phrase! "Exterminate!" Quit BBC! DIRECT!

A third even less familiar man's voice spoke: "Ooblah-dee, ooblah-dah, that's a big bra! How the fuck does it stay on? Why, why, did my dog have to die?" The second man told him to

huge behinds, so she took a bite out of Kazuko's without wondering much why a Sumo wrestler would have a girl's name. He gave a high-pitched shriek that solved part of that riddle,

the piss; though not as much as naming him Herman, which the mother had begged for. So wee Hercules went through life, unable to impregnate himself like a third-gen hornless goat.

and I mean that in the most figurative of ways. Funny, I'd never heard of the country of Japan before. Where was I? Right, so I was heading into the post office when all this

Merlin, knowing the old coot of a wizard had forgotten his underpants again. Nobody liked Merlin. He wasn't even a real cambion. Now take Cambert, from Cambridge. He invented the

what you got when you dropped out of Disco Clown School. "If you can't pass the class, oh, you don't get the afro." That's what my pappy always told me. The rainbow afro was the

But the police, they assume everyone's bad. Except one time I heard the sirens and the car pulled up. "Yes, we're the police. The Polish Ice department. Is the heat insufferable?

to be tied over the fact that she might have to marry a sculleryboy, the mermaid asked Neptune to turn the boy into a more witty and sophisticated gentleman. Neptune only

there for every unimportant crisis that never directly affected you that you could possibly envision, should you have an all-powerful imagination machine sitting upon your head.

-cine figurine of himself accepting his Torture Diploma (which he had begun to model in anticipation) was red with blood. If his victim died, he would only be a murderer. Thinking

her legions of Welsh corgi-like kobolds ensure the sanctity of her burial space with spears aloft and tongues agog, the short-footed little bastards. I'd like to punt one right off

reveals the coward underneath, hiding behind the cheap, showy makeup of "lol random" humor. I give the blown a black eye he won't soon forget. Being serious is a vulnerability. Art

onto the remains of the moose. "So sorry," I said, wiping the back of my hand across my mouth. "It's just that it smells rancid." The lunch lady lifted a bushy eyebrow,

Just because I only used strike anywhere matches, that didn't make me a fire snob. I just liked a certain sound from my fire. A certain warmth. The fire from this burning school

I looked down from the window and saw him doing a handstand and saying "I am the strongest person in this world." Well, he was strong after all he just jumped from 3 storeys.

demonstrated the route Sir English Mustacheface had taken along the veranda through the conservatarium and out via the solarineum. He'd eaten all the sidewalk chalk--the big kind.

out a selection of erotic crullers to enjoy by herself. As she walked down the London street in London, a street in London, she checked her watch, noting Big Ben was a minute slow.