was grimacing in her easy chair, embroidering a demonic elf tea cozy and muttering about leaving the oven on and ruining the cookies

part of the stew I'm in." Then Ducky Wucky watched in horror as Henny Penny stirred herself in the pot by spinning around using a wooden spoon as a paddle, and basting herself with

faster than Anna Nicole Smith on TrimSpa pills. So he opened a chain of restaurants that featured food fried in his own excess fat and called them Colonel Fried Tidbits. He had to

the victories, but another was to simply re-enact them.. It got to a point that we had to recruit other people, mainly from our local monastery to act out the war's we had engaged

"Funny how easy a mob comes together," I thought to myself as I ran from a nerd herd intent upon pinning George's death on me. It had to be the algorithm framing me. The only way I

upon the man as a worthy rival. He knew ABBA as much as they did. Although the gnats got to listen in on the band's candid conversations, Petey was a neutral party for ABBA to vent

is gone. She may be gone for weeks before anyone notice and even then they don't really care.

the "rubberband man firework trick" or Uncle Buck's famous "Goat Brain Crawdad pinch" wasnt exactly something my dad could even do at his age, let alone without following Uncle to

of what I might have done to deserve such a fate as walking the Earth as a deceased person. Plus, my wardrobe was atrocious. Everyone knows that gray is going to be out of fashion

Took his poo covered manuscript to the blacksmith, Jedediah, and incinerated it in the fires that had forged Bilbo's infamous bling. Still not satisfied

of the people who claim that microwaves are safe can watch their loved ones melt or explode. 5. Leave somebody else's underwear under your apple tree in April. 6. On April 6, take

paradise where we were free to be our little selves. I was determined that Toto and I would never go back to that Kansas Hell-hole again and anchored our house to a magic mountain.

no mockery of those still mourning the death of Old Mars, no salad-bombing of the ChloroHipsters, no Aspie-taunting of the AiMod companions -- let's just make merry and try to

"...like no one ever was." Air whipped his hair as he sped down an empty road. Just a biker, a road to nowhere and nostalgia."To catch them is my real test..."

The dealer looked puzzled for a moment, glancing down at the cards he held. "Um, Simon, we're playing Uno. There is no bluffing." He slapped a Draw Four onto the pile of cards.

because their neighbors didn't realize that humans have been farting since they evolved. Plenty of time for the joke to get old, don't you think? Now, pee pee jokes, those never

nobody really cared about his opinions on dogs, anyway. They were just being polite. No wonder his books about dogs were selling so poorly! The truth hurt, but he lifted himself

device that doesn't come from Sagittarius Cybernetics. Fred can taste our human foibles. There are all in our pee. Who wants Fred to drink their pee first? If your future doesn't

tailfeathers. The flames died but somehow they kept burning with an invisible fire. "Hey, will you look at that. I must be part phoenix", said the bird, fresh from the oven. "I thi

snowmen so that they could continue to survive in Hell once it froze. Next, Satan started to funnel global warming into the vent system connecting the surface to Hell. Then, he had