out like a big poofer. Somehow the Godfather's instruction to have fun with his new crocodile feet was part of the wish. The Godfather had overplayed himself. Crocodile feet & fun

and threw the tube across the bloody hot desert. He then performed a backflip, put his arms out in the shape of a "T," and raised to the heavens and returned to the palace of gods.

"Esmirelda," he said as a klezmer band began to play cloyingly at a bat mitzvah in the adjoining ballroom. I could see in his eyes that he was in the mood for something not kosher.

in my "Preserved Rodents of the World" exhibit, which I had made from an old, illegal lemonade stand. "Just $5 to view the most colossal collection of dead vermin ever compiled," I

to Heaven since a pleasant shaft of light beamed down from on high. But Annabelle knew it may be one of the devil doll’s tricks, so she proceeded up the steps cautiously. When she

wearing I bought at Goodwill for $1. But after we fumigate it and wash it we'll have it on the sales floor with a Mashall's price of $11.99." St. Pooter wasn"t impressed. "Dollar

Just then I realized that the hunting guns would do me no good since they were unloaded and the ammunition was locked away. I quickly ran past them and headed deeper into the aisle

those cleats off my softwood parquet floor!" The football team pulled off their shoes and tossed them out through the Tiffany window, but continued to advance on Dad. "All we want

-ting babies fishing for binkies on an ice rink from a soda business! The babies nodded and called out hearty ‘Aye!’s in agreement. If only we had an opium flavored soda... Wait..

before anyone could see her and exclaim, "There she is, the baby witch who slaughters mountain goats with her visage!" But then she realized that someone WAS shouting that, and she

need. Low and behold a very irritable genie magically appeared in a cloud of pink smoke. “Make it quick, I’m watched the season finale of Twin peaks,”

small enveope from his back. "You sure about that, Carrothead?" He said menancingly, eyeing the paper &Onion with ominous intent. "You know what this is, right?" he asked the veget

A rouge carpet in front of a wooden fire wearing a bikini. This zombie could burrow its way into my mind and unleash the horrors within. Must, remove the head, destroy the brain..

The Land of Goshen wasn't all its brochure cracked it up to be. It's hard to take any sort of writing service seriously if they use a sans serif font. Eileen was leader of Goshen,

not without a hint of snideness. He gestured at the children at play. "Perhaps my tune is more to the liking of yon children. I tire of always being alone with the rats." He blew

, where they landed, set out to build a Utopian city for troubled toddlers. Regrettably, Don de Con built a brothel for the mentally awkward out of popsicle sticks & Lincoln Logs

in love the way a debutante might dabble in art," Quayfagbhay would say vaguely. I could tell by his blush that he had loved Hungry, though that love had not be requited. Then one

"Well, I think it comes down to how much of a bitch you want to come off as on your first day at a new job," her stylist suggested over Magnum bars. She poured ouzo from another mo

with vomit after triggering her gag reflex. Ms. Chodderstein caught one whiff of that spew and tossed her cookies directly into Professor Finkelstein's third martini.

an airship. There wasn't a body of water for lightyears in any direction. "Perverts trying to balance the economy, what a joke," she mumbled as she took their tray. But thank God,