The blacksmith agreed to forge me an axe if I brought him the head of a manakete and a vial of virgin tears. I didn't know of any virgin crybaby manaketes, so this would take time.

A man will only marry out of love or necessity. Anything love demands is a necessity. These were my thoughts as I drove through the morning fog into Vicksburg. Love or necessity.

"We mustn't tell anyone, this would cause a world wide panic!" Those were the last words I heard before I accidentally hit "Send to everyone."

I dated a girl once by the name of Debbie Teeth who went by the nickname Spooky Tooth. Seems that I broke her heart, so she busted my jaw, and I had to eat my food through a straw.

"Who, me? I'm the guy that runs this joint. I tell ya. Tenants always complaining. During the Ice Age, they asked me to turn up the heat. Now its 'global warming.' What gives?"

Test

Whatever you do, don't crack up. Just try to hold it together until we both calm down enough to

In retrospect, telling a child to look after something so private probably was a mistake. It would be like asking a fox to look after a chicken coop. Almost immediately I decided

Being pansexual doesn't mean having sex with pots & pans. I learnt this the hard way and my ban from the Kitchen Dept in Harrods is beyond harsh. The government of Qatar will recei

Zombies are functioning members of our society, just like you and me. Now I don't want to hear any complaints about prejudice, because after all, we are all equal. Except they get

I counted the items in the small plastic bag again. "Nope. I have two bolts when I only need one bolt and I'm missing a small screw", I scanned the hieroglyphs in the instructions

I wasn't sure how to handle this. Being stuck on a class A Kitty Hawk that ran out of plasma had to be serious. The thing was completely dead, except from a voice repeating 'Warnin

Henry, Emma, Liam, Larry, Olivia, Simon, Lola, Isabel, Mary, Will, Hillary, Isaac, Terry. My office, now.

Pooh left the therapist's office elated. He felt empowered. He'd finally gotten in touch with his inner self, something that he repressed. Piglet said, "Hi Pooh" and Pooh ate him.

Once upon a time, a beautiful girl decided to live in a castle.

Elvis rotated his pelvis. That was the sign the aliens had been waiting for.

Her husband came and found her in the kitchen. "I'm so sorry," he said holding her tight. "So sorry I brought you to a house with no internet access."

Diarrhea Planet was now the 10th planet in our solar system. School teachers were baffled at this new scientific development and scientists' odd choice of name. The planet, made of

It was the moment Sisyphus had been dreading - performance reviews. Beelzebub tapped a clipboard. "Well, Sissy, it looks like today's your lucky day. You've been reassigned to

I looked tomy dock and thought that I saw Travis Mcgee and Myer sitt5ing topside of the "Busted Flush", but no. Travis and company were from the never were, and ravis and company