"Well, I think it comes down to how much of a bitch you want to come off as on your first day at a new job," her stylist suggested over Magnum bars. She poured ouzo from another mo

" Rosie's voice said, from under a pile of rubble. George dug frantically for a few minutes before he found Rosie's head. He propped it up on an ancient alien TV stand. It crackled

ng slopes on Powder Ridge, which was where they found the governor of Alaska hiding out after her jenkem meth lab exploded. Suddenly, the author suffered a fatal heart attack. The

He had to log down those white water rapids by ten, by thunder. Thunder was what his kids called his flatulence, which he preferred to term, "angels bowling". "GUTTER BALL!" he

iccan board of health that the valueless flatulent diadems were not genuine Apple products. Apple, strangely, soon unveiled their new iSnapple: "Snapple, but owned by Steve Jobs!"

'cause one of those would look fabulous in the rumpus room! I just HAD to get in touch with Cthulhu's interior Dagon-ators on lace trim and camping up these lampshades! Campshades!

shook the house off its foundations. He had no choice but to step into my carefully constructed trap. "The best trap is the one that looks like freedom." He'd drawn the final card

Across town, Morley was in stiletto heels & dominatrix gear. "Ebenezer Spooge! These chains I forged in a leather bar! Expect the first sexy ghost when the sexy bell tolls sexy!"

So she was and doing so atop her lyre. Hence, the cacophony we'd taken for a LARPcore anthem. I turned to Raulf. "They don't get out much," I said. A cleric hailed me from anon. Ll

decided to mix it up by using a different search engine. Becca had always felt the constraint of not being able to use Altavista anymore. The hits she got on "twerking xenomorphs"

to the garish sun, and all the infernal orb rewards them with is a glaze of skin cancer." Mr. and Mrs. Centipede clicked their poison pincers together amidst the mushroom patch.

flying cars, and social consciousness! Yes, the people of my new universe were to be technologically advanced, and STILL pay taxes! I was going to win at this game, and so would

scars on his arms was still in the "I only want to suffer, not exit" stages of depression, asked if anybody had seen his phone. Uh-oh. I called Vivienne on her new cell phone and

n enormous amount of bitcoin; enough for Dr. Goodfeel to take Nurse Ratched for a ride on his hobbyhorse, get her to invest in Poxagone, give the Poxariffic some free advertising.

proper acting technique?!" thundered Scorsese at the cowering shark,"We don't pay you to chat the actors up, we pay you to CHEW them up!" The chastened shark bared its teeth at me

It felt weird having the Devil rattle around in there, but evidently He knew what He was doing. "Gloop glup," I said as He shoveled my regrets into my empty thirst for vengeance.

the Royal Canadian Mounties arrested me for being drunk and disorderly; when, in fact, I had forced a Siamese cat on Burton Cummings, at gun point. The ASPCA Officers cuffed me and

Nor would they have to feign feeling fain, feelin' right as rain, right as green rain as Jourdan promised (lied) not to drop the Nickelodeon slime on his actors. Gloop. So much for

causing them to continue the mamushka from atop their horses. Marilyn Monroe & Tony Curtis found that they didn't like it hot when the boiler water started pouring in from up the

She walked into the pitch meeting with Solange the puppet Orange. The suits at Tropicana were cool to the idea. She got flustered. She was losing them. Then Solange spoke up. Heads