to the garish sun, and all the infernal orb rewards them with is a glaze of skin cancer." Mr. and Mrs. Centipede clicked their poison pincers together amidst the mushroom patch.

flying cars, and social consciousness! Yes, the people of my new universe were to be technologically advanced, and STILL pay taxes! I was going to win at this game, and so would

scars on his arms was still in the "I only want to suffer, not exit" stages of depression, asked if anybody had seen his phone. Uh-oh. I called Vivienne on her new cell phone and

It felt weird having the Devil rattle around in there, but evidently He knew what He was doing. "Gloop glup," I said as He shoveled my regrets into my empty thirst for vengeance.

Nor would they have to feign feeling fain, feelin' right as rain, right as green rain as Jourdan promised (lied) not to drop the Nickelodeon slime on his actors. Gloop. So much for

causing them to continue the mamushka from atop their horses. Marilyn Monroe & Tony Curtis found that they didn't like it hot when the boiler water started pouring in from up the

Ol' what's-his-face wasn't having any of that malarkey. He caught Bobo's dagger midflight and he tossed it back at him. Bobo parried with his skates. The blade buried itself into a

There was Alice in the middle, between two giant, vaguely-feline dangers of purple coloration. She breathed into her Jabberwalkie-talkie. "Angel in Nevada. We are go." A floodlight

cks up his sleeve that would make a Scientologist froth at the mouth. Simpkins grew a goatee and a German accent. He bleated just to add flavor to the character. "SIIIMPKIIINS!"

I mean, sure, I could "prosper" and crank out a hundred folds or more a day maybe if I smoked crack like Stephen King. But I don't, and I don't want to. I'm all sober, bitches.

"Like your mom did hers?" he shot back. Constance, sadly, was incontinent, and her husband's counter-jibe made her piss like a gallon right on the Walmart floor where it belonged.

And I musta been drunk, 'cause now I'm locked in his trunk, and when you're dead you can still feel everything. Feel everything. Every thrust of the knife, every sour breath on me.

Anthropoligists clique had pasted their manifesto on the wall. They used shit from all 43 of them. A great many Mensa members found their arguments persuasive as well as fragrant.

-bor had thrown out, but it gave the cookies an offensive odor. I tried putting the dough in the dryer, which would have worked if I had taken out my sneakers, first. Let's face it

which held their crumpled-up shopping list. "What's this?" Prester asked Anita. "Why do you need all these drinks? Mayonade? Mt. Dew Chlorox Bleach? In my day, water was plenty!"

ons & neurons were similar enough that both saw the hologram keeping watch over the historic proceedings. Eb'ny Darkn'ss Dementia Ravenway accepted the Oscar for Fifty Shades. Tom

cide he couldn't wait to try at home, and then he could make vodka from the leftovers. Case in point, Agent Armando said he'd read sexts more erotic than Fifty Shades. No duh. FBI

od. God had something up his sleeve. It was Rocket. God did the Underpants Dance, then flung Rocket at the android ambassador's face. Star-Lord and Drax slipped out the back of the

She hissed right back at that clerk, "Well Time should've been more prudent!" She left the device as instructed, then fled the building, hoping McD's was still serving hashbrowns.

"D.K. Donkey Kong. D.K. Donkey Kong is here. He's the leader of the bunch; you know him well. He's finally back to kick some tail." President Dummy sweat under his golden toupee.