Ol' what's-his-face wasn't having any of that malarkey. He caught Bobo's dagger midflight and he tossed it back at him. Bobo parried with his skates. The blade buried itself into a

and it was a perilous state to be in, yet she found herself laughing, throwing her arms in the air. Fern stared at Julia, knowing what little care she had was lost to the winds.

There was Alice in the middle, between two giant, vaguely-feline dangers of purple coloration. She breathed into her Jabberwalkie-talkie. "Angel in Nevada. We are go." A floodlight

cks up his sleeve that would make a Scientologist froth at the mouth. Simpkins grew a goatee and a German accent. He bleated just to add flavor to the character. "SIIIMPKIIINS!"

...Maybe? Another look at the scattered archives might’ve sparked a few thoughts — perhaps ‘Janitor Fists Boss Until Prolapse’ had some sort of artistic or intellectual merit

I mean, sure, I could "prosper" and crank out a hundred folds or more a day maybe if I smoked crack like Stephen King. But I don't, and I don't want to. I'm all sober, bitches.

"Like your mom did hers?" he shot back. Constance, sadly, was incontinent, and her husband's counter-jibe made her piss like a gallon right on the Walmart floor where it belonged.

And I musta been drunk, 'cause now I'm locked in his trunk, and when you're dead you can still feel everything. Feel everything. Every thrust of the knife, every sour breath on me.

Anthropoligists clique had pasted their manifesto on the wall. They used shit from all 43 of them. A great many Mensa members found their arguments persuasive as well as fragrant.

-bor had thrown out, but it gave the cookies an offensive odor. I tried putting the dough in the dryer, which would have worked if I had taken out my sneakers, first. Let's face it

which held their crumpled-up shopping list. "What's this?" Prester asked Anita. "Why do you need all these drinks? Mayonade? Mt. Dew Chlorox Bleach? In my day, water was plenty!"

ons & neurons were similar enough that both saw the hologram keeping watch over the historic proceedings. Eb'ny Darkn'ss Dementia Ravenway accepted the Oscar for Fifty Shades. Tom

cide he couldn't wait to try at home, and then he could make vodka from the leftovers. Case in point, Agent Armando said he'd read sexts more erotic than Fifty Shades. No duh. FBI

od. God had something up his sleeve. It was Rocket. God did the Underpants Dance, then flung Rocket at the android ambassador's face. Star-Lord and Drax slipped out the back of the

She hissed right back at that clerk, "Well Time should've been more prudent!" She left the device as instructed, then fled the building, hoping McD's was still serving hashbrowns.

"D.K. Donkey Kong. D.K. Donkey Kong is here. He's the leader of the bunch; you know him well. He's finally back to kick some tail." President Dummy sweat under his golden toupee.

For some reason so many people don't know how to appreciate a good pair of stones. Pet rocks get lonely, you see. You've got to have two hefty, good-sized stones to be tender with.

ng topless at a Hooters along with a flash mob of gay men. Luckily I livefeed everything to three separate accounts on Vimeo just in case I get mugged (to this day I never have).

home base on Neptune that is the kind of things that happened. The Vibesphere was all abuzz over the newest generation of rejuvenation protocols. Fashion you, not your clothes. Of

The goat planet was dominated by the technologically advanced Nan civilization who had been on the cusp of space travel when the monkeys in spaceships appeared in orbit above them.