not without a hint of snideness. He gestured at the children at play. "Perhaps my tune is more to the liking of yon children. I tire of always being alone with the rats." He blew

She prayed that Martin specifically, who was weak for a good beach, would volunteer himself to go first and become the cautionary casualty. She knew he was gunning for Ship Lead

a very long journey indeed. As we neared Cleveland, the rest of the passengers became antsy. "Stop playing that accordion, it's 4 in the morning!" an angry Octomom bellowed as he

The kitchen learned not to send the pretty ones as food bearers as they quickly ended up without a head. They now only send out the frumps. Who cry because they lose either way.

an airship. There wasn't a body of water for lightyears in any direction. "Perverts trying to balance the economy, what a joke," she mumbled as she took their tray. But thank God,

-ged with a decent dose of caffeine, I would have asked if I could shower, first. On and on she led me through the woods, the burr catching on my nightie, ruining the pattern.

...Maybe? Another look at the scattered archives might’ve sparked a few thoughts — perhaps ‘Janitor Fists Boss Until Prolapse’ had some sort of artistic or intellectual merit

Until they found out about the gnome sized knife I had stashed away under my pillow, and the gnome poison (gnomicide) and the fact I'd been lazing their pixie drinks with DMT

ripped the outhouse off its feet, and the ferocious high-speed projectile Booboo spawned was enough to ignite the fuel to the speeding car, which resulted in another explosion. "Uh

and threw the tube across the bloody hot desert. He then performed a backflip, put his arms out in the shape of a "T," and raised to the heavens and returned to the palace of gods.

the bed. but George never realized what he was seeing. Later when he reconsidered the event of that evening, there may have been more to it. In reality the portal was

him, but Bruno's alcohol-induced coma and spouting of eldritch beings left him dead as a doorknob to the world. Peggy shook him more, but just then, the Ravers returned! After 20

True, I had dated other female carrots before, but my heart was no longer in it. And I had a pigeon in my stomach. I was not sure of the pigeon's sexual preferences, but by now, it

Sarah Lee Mock Humble Pie. He finally admitted that he was dying to try it but didn’t think he could stomach mocking humble. Which is why he wanted me to get mocked first. Sounds

spaghetti sauce, and the Rice a Roni alarm clock won’t stop until you bake it. Let’s just hope the water powered smoke alarm doesn’t go off with sprinkles again.

anordyslexia where they only screwed up spelling short words. The Hulk's babies needed to be stopped, and how else do you stop babies than with a giant spike press? Tell me a more

"Do shut up, you cantankerous sot!" I, the Sixth Doctor, proudly backhanded Peri, then readied my PETA-brand sub-machine gun on the non-vegetarian natives. The Alien Witch didn't

making Macklemore-flavored macarons. Jonah (not quite his real name) cried foul. Jeenah (soon to be his real name) guffawed and high-fived the judges.

Ariadne the Lesser Gorgon's favorite dish for a while. But I didn't care. She wasn't a full Gorgon so she couldn't turn me to stone with her glare. She hated to be reminded of it.

counted out her bullets. One. She counted them again. Still only one. She peeked over the counter. The Grand Poobah was still eyeing the Claw Prize game. Like he recognized it. She