Role model for a 4 year old Cleopatra Ptolemy. "Ask not what The Gods of Egypt have done for you, ask what can you do for The Gods of Egypt." Or, "We do this not because it is easy

exploded all the C4 plastic surrounding the tiny bank's back door, then into it's tiny plastic vault. But the tiny Indian and Small Soldiers found little money there. So they

Pachouli was miffed that she'd not been cast. She and sandalwood went way back. They'd been in a few bags together. Sometimes there was a third or fourth. Myrrh and frankincense.

Dance Hall would have a special musical nose-hair climbing competition, and Vanessa would put special bows on her nose hair that concealed spikes, to discourage merely athletic

over my bathroom threshold, when it hits me like a bag of Fritos, right between the eyes…why didn’t I see it sooner? Everyone is affected, infected or not. Everyone itches at 4:15

the first feline to be elected Mayor of Barack, Omaha. This was not only because he could talk and was smarter than the citizens, but most thought that since his name was Fido, he

fluffy bunny hides. Sanjiro "Bloody Eyes" strode out of the Bunny Gang's hutch. The Owl Gang fell for the bunny-clone bait, and now his gang would have their revenge. He spat his

say, but kept its mummified lips still, knowing that they would crumble if it pointed out the suspicious shoes. So it kept mum. The MHPD detective found fingerprints on the golden

fell from Fluffy's pink eyes and salted his roasted carrot, which only made it taste all the better. "Don't cry," Gibber said kindly, "It'll ruin your diet." Zetawilk looked up

who were into self-degradation over their own privilege. This bored the lamb so much that it begged Mary to put him into the stew, but there was no room, due to all the quinoa. So

Here's Johnny tonight / Muscular Dystrophy beer / This Alpo tastes good. People quoted the zine's haiku on the playgrounds, but mold spores at the Chinese printing plant spread to

The bloated orange baby was having another temper tantrum; Rosanne, similarly bloated from water retention, had a hot flash so bad it left her incontinent. "Retards!" Trump yapped.

tell an army man when he's had enough to drink! There was one thing left to do before midnight: Waste more time on Folding Story or get back to my incisive Nu Pogodi slash fiction.

-round the ho, ho, ho' was a hit with the tongs. Not so much with the Fu Manchu. Which is why 'cock-around the ho, ho, ho" wasn't allowed in his new haunted castle. Gourmet ghosts

-lause, frightened by the loud noises. The SEC had to fend off throngs of Vegan protestors to investigate Granny's sausage factory, and discovered they secretly contained no meat.

-prano, but she just flicked her tongue out at me and stalked off. That gila monster never did trust me again after I skipped out all my AA meetings, and our love suffered as a

"Come, let us sit upon the ground and tell sad tales of lost cub leaders," said Miles. "Five cubs, twelve directions," said Joe Merlot, the clocksmith's son. "The holy is not lost,

True, I had dated other female carrots before, but my heart was no longer in it. And I had a pigeon in my stomach. I was not sure of the pigeon's sexual preferences, but by now, it

"Who can insert the sharpest object into Eminem's ear canals?" Not that his ability to hear had ever come into play in his life before, as his career evidenced. We freed his prison

talks to buy out DateSite, a dating website of all things. Schlomo grunted advice to fill out my profile: "My name is Davros, a 143-year-old man with a strong science background."